 Image © Lyn Lomasi; All Rights Reserved "But if we move, how can I see my friends?" "That's a really long way away from Granny's house. When do I get to see her?" These are some of the questions kids may ask when moving. They will likely be dealing with many difficult transitions. As a parent who has dealt with this type of scenario more than once, here are some of my best positive parenting methods for helping kids transition during a move.
Be quiet and listen. Before explaining a multitude of things about your move, listen to how your child is feeling. Take him for a walk or relax in the backyard and just let him say what he feels. Sometimes just letting everything out, knowing someone hears you, is helpful. This also gives you some insight into what is needed to help him feel better. It's easier for kids to transition when they know they are heard and that their concerns matter. Find solutions for keeping in touch with friends and relatives. If you're only moving across town, it should still be relatively easy to keep up with friends and relatives that once lived nearby. But if your child will need to leave them in another state or country, alternative solutions will be needed. Email, Facebook, a cell phone, or messenger apps are just some of the ways to keep in touch. Be creative and figure out what works for your child, depending on age and preferences. It's easier to transition to a move when familiar people aren't out of reach. Be sure the child knows the reasons for moving. Even if they don't express it, children might feel like a move is their fault. This can especially be true if the move is due to divorce or similar situations. Make the transition more smooth by explaining to your children the reasons for the move. Make sure they know that the move is not their fault. Remain positive about the move. Regardless of the reason for moving, keep it positive. Represent the good aspects of moving to your child. It's alright to discuss some of the things the family doesn't like about moving. But don't forget to also talk about the good things. Are you closer to a nice, new school? Closer to family? Maybe there is an area attraction the kids would enjoy. It's easier to transition when the good things about it are made obvious. Be understanding. Sometimes no matter what you say or do, a child is going to be unhappy about the move, at least at first. Lend an ear and an open mind and heart. Even if it isn't possible to go back to the way things were before, your child needs to know that you understand his feelings. You can tell him your concerns as well and how you are dealing with them. You can also just be a shoulder and source of comfort. In time, your child will very likely transition to the move and before you know it, he'll have new friends to hang out with. The important thing is that you be there for him until he does. *I originally published a version of this via Yahoo Contributor Network
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Positive Parenting Tips: How to Show Kids They Matter
For whatever reason, kids can often feel as though they are the odd one out - that no one understands them. You know full well that your kids matter. Show them just how much with some positive parenting. Most parents do care and want their kids to know that, but some just aren't sure how to put feelings into action.
Give them choices. Although you may want everything to go a certain way, kids should be a part of family decisions, too. Sometimes - maybe many times - not everyone is going to agree on things. Let the kids decide what to do whenever possible. This shows them their thoughts matter to you. When kids know they matter, they may be more inclined to respect your wishes for decisions you must make. Respect their opinions. Even when their opinions differ from yours - and they will sometimes - respect what your kids think. Things don't always have to go their way. But let them be individuals. Sooner or later your child is going to grow up. He needs to know his voice matters to be respected in the world outside your home. Even inside the home, your child's opinions and insight should count. Give them freedom. There are limits to this for safety reasons, of course. But give your kids some freedom. They don't need to be right next to you at every moment. Trust them to do age-appropriate tasks without your assistance. It can be a parental instinct to be a mother hen or a father lion. That's part of being a parent, but if we don't let them do some things for themselves, they will never learn. Let them teach you about their favorite things. You may be old and wise, but kids have so much to teach us adults. Listen. Let your child know that her interests are important to you. Sometimes what kids are interested in don't line up with those of their parents. Still, you need to be supportive of your child's individuality. Don't try to force your interests on him and don't attempt to keep him from his unless they are harmful in nature. Show affection even when they misbehave. Even when kids misbehave, they still deserve your love. Discipline must take place. But that doesn't mean a hug isn't in order. In fact, that may be exactly what the doctor has ordered. Show your child his feelings matter to you by still showing affection, even in difficult times. *I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network Positive Parenting Tips: Keeping Kids Motivated  Positive parenting is about looking for results that have a lasting positive effect on your child. Keeping a child motivated can sometimes be difficult. This is especially true when they start seeing evidence that not all things will work out as planned. As a parent, your job is to keep them motivated and inspired to do good things even when the outlook doesn't seem to match what they want.
Keep a goal chart. Make a goal chart so that kids can keep track of their goals, dreams, and accomplishments. These can be a good mix between small and large goals. Blending them together helps kids see that some things can be accomplished quickly and easily, while others may take more time and effort. If you only track large goals, that could discourage some kids when they see how long it's taking. On the flip side, if you only track smaller, simple goals, they may think everything in life is easy, which could backfire when there are certain things they cannot have or do right away. Cheer them on. When watching your kids achieve goals, milestones, and achievements, don't forget to cheer them on. This is true with the items on the chart and just everyday achievements. It can be easy to just shirk off the simple things after a child tells you about the same or similar things every day. But, if your child is excited about something, big or small, cheer her on anyway. Don't dwell on failures. It's only natural that your child will not succeed at everything. Don't focus on these things. It's alright to offer encouragement for your child to try again. But don't focus overly on the negative aspects of failure. Instead, find the positive things that occurred in the process of trying to obtain goals. Let them know they motivate you. Most parents get inspired by their kids often. But how often do we let them know how they make us feel? We might tell them we love them. But when your kids inspire you to do something, do you tell them you are doing it because of them? Doing so lets them know they have the ability to do great things. Foster what excites them. Does your child get especially excited over something in particular? Harbor that interest. If it's dance, get him in dance classes and offer gentle - not pushy - encouragement and guidance. If it's medicine, take her to medical museums, buy books, and register her for age-appropriate classes. Fostering and encouraging their natural interests, without pushing them or expecting too much, helps children develop self-confidence. This motivates them to be the best they can be as individuals. *I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network Positive Parenting: Why Doesn't My Teen Trust Me?  Image © Lyn Lomasi; All Rights Reserved As a veteran parent, I often get asked questions about raising children. Teenage years seem to be the toughest for many parents. This is in part due to the fact that kids start becoming independent. One question people ask often is "Why doesn't my teen trust me?" Is the parent at fault when teenagers don't trust them? Is there a deeper reason or is this just a part of the transition into adulthood?
Does your teen have reason not to trust you? Take a look at how you interact with your teen. Do you break promises to him? Do you do more talking than listening? Perhaps your teen is afraid you will want him to do things just like you and his beliefs differ from yours. Examine your relationship to see what you can do to build upon trust. It is not always the parent's fault when this happens. There also may be a simpler explanation. But don't automatically assume the problem can't lie with you. Your teen may simply be looking for a friend, not a parent. Let her trust in her friends rather than you when she needs to. It is not necessary for her to tell you everything about her life. While it is hard to realize that our children are growing up, we need to give them their own space. Just because she isn't trusting in you, does not mean you are a bad parent. She may simply need a close friend to lean on. This is perfectly healthy and normal. Listen, but don't talk. Sometimes a teen just wants to vent. Don't analyze the situation. Just sit there and hear what she has to say. It can be difficult to listen without trying to solve the problem. But be confident in your parenting skills. Ask questions instead of providing solutions. Your teen can and should think for himself. This not only helps him learn to trust you, but also teaches invaluable problem-solving skills. You can offer advice later. But when your teen is opening up, it is best to be minimal with your words and let her express her concerns. Discuss issues you faced as a teen. This is one of the most important things you can do for your child. While you may not think so, teens do listen to their parents. They may protest and say things like "It was different when you were a kid, Mom" or "You don't understand!" But trust me, they hear you. When difficult situations arise, they will think back to many of the things you have discussed over the years. Remember those days when your parents gave you advice? You may not have been too happy to hear it. But chances are, you have applied some or all of it over the years. Give your teen the chance to make her own decisions and learn from doing, just like you did. Keep a parent to child journal. A journal where you each write notes to each other can help bring you closer together. When your teen is frustrated, it may be easier to write things out on paper than tell you to your face. You can write back after reading each note written to you. That way, your teen can read the responses when she is more comfortable. The journal can be used both for fun and lighthearted discussions, as well as more serious ones. Some trust issues may be cause for deeper concern, such as bullying, mental health issues, and more. This article is for informational purposes only and is not meant to diagnose or treat any conditions. Always seek appropriately licensed health care specialists for advice specific to your child. *I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network Positive Parenting: Encouraging Educational Responsibility in Kids  Image © Lyn Lomasi; All Rights Reserved Many times successes and failures in school can be traced to educational responsibility. Is your child in charge of his success – or failure when it comes to learning? If you find yourself helping too much or taking the blame for his achievements (or lack thereof), you may not be giving your child enough educational responsibility. Provide access to a variety of study materials. When children have ready access to books and other educational materials, it's easier for them to become naturally in tune to learning. You don't have to spend large sums of money if you don't have it, but try to have things around that are helpful to their education. Manipulatives, educational videos, and hands-on science kits are great tools, in addition to books. Some libraries will loan out these items if you cannot afford to purchase them or would just prefer to be able to return them when finished. Never do their work for them. When your child is seemingly having a nervous breakdown, it's easy for some to just give the answers. Do not do this. Instead, give your child some time to calm down and encourage him to try again. You can help for explanation purposes. But allow the child to complete the work on his own. Educational responsibility is easier to come by when it is a natural habit in the household. Incorporate independent study. In addition to any homework, kids need to study things on their own as well. This could be additional information for what they are working on in required studies. But it may also be a free topic the child is interested in. Encourage your kids to learn new things, be it the history of a fad or more knowledge in required subjects. You may need to make the suggestion or first steps. But in time you will see your child start to automatically do this on his own. The desire for independent study is a good sign your child has some educational responsibility.
Allow room for mistakes. Remember that your child is not perfect. Remind him of this as well. Mistakes are okay. They give him a chance to learn and grow, and are a huge part of educational responsibility. When kids can recognize when they are wrong and need some extra work, this is a sign of responsibility. Let them discover those things within themselves. Encourage your child's interests. When your child has an interest in something, encourage him by providing study materials for that subject. Take him on field trips or play games related to the interest. If your child wants to be a fireman, take him to a firehouse. If she wants to be a doctor, take a hospital tour and buy medical books at her comprehension level. Whatever your child is interested in, encourage (without forcing) him to learn more about it. Let your child tell you what he learns and also what he already knows as well. Let them take responsibility for accomplishments and mistakes. When your child fails a test, do you blame yourself for not pushing him or do you point out to your child what he may have done to receive better results? The answer should be the latter, but many parents will take the blame for the mistakes of their kids, which can lead to them being irresponsible. Do not force learning or use education as a punishment. Never say to your child things like “If you don't clean your room, I'm going to make you do algebra!” This teaches the child education is a bad thing. She is not going to be responsible when it comes to learning if her thoughts about it are negative. Always make learning a positive experience and offer it freely, rather than forcing the child to participate. *I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network  Image © Lyn Lomasi; All Rights Reserved Tired of your kids not listening to you? Are you expecting too much of them? As a seasoned parent, I know how frustrating it can be when kids just don't want to listen. Perhaps you are treating them like property rather than team members. Kids are more likely to listen when they feel they are a part of something. Always remember your kids are team members, not property. Be the boss without being condescending. Just because you are in charge does not mean you should take advantage of this position. Yes, children should be taught to listen to their parents and respect their elders. But there is a big difference between expecting good behavior and demanding perfection. There is no need to make children feel scared or unworthy to get them to behave. In fact, doing so is likely to create the opposite effect you are looking for. Kids are people, not robots. They are living, breathing beings with their own thoughts and opinions. While it may not be what you'd like, children will speak their minds and should be allowed to. This doesn't mean they should run amok. But they also should have a say in some things. They are not robots who can just be ordered to do something and it's done. There is a learning and growing process and there will be bumps along the way. The goal of a parent is not to create a robot, but someone who knows how to make wise choices.  Image © Lyn Lomasi; All Rights Reserved Listen to your kid's choices. They might have a good point you didn't think of. Just because your child does not agree with you does not mean he is wrong. Listen to what he has to say. Perhaps he has a valid point. Speaking one's mind is not the same thing as misbehaving. It doesn't mean he wants to go against you. It just means he wants you to listen to his viewpoint.
Be understanding, even if you don't choose their option every time. Whether your child's view is one you agree with or not, just listen. If you never hear him out, he will think you don't care what his thoughts are and he will have a valid point. Understand and respect your child's opinions. Being understanding does not always mean being in agreement. But it does mean considering more options than your original one. There are times you will need to form a compromise. Your goal is not to create your clone. It is to teach your child to be a productive member of society in their own unique way. A good parent/child relationship is one where both parties are working together as a team. Remember that your child is not property. You have responsibility to raise him, but ultimately each person is in charge of himself. Note: The author's positive parenting method has evolved into what she calls Upstream Parenting. *I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network 
With the news of Amy Chua's Tiger Mother parenting spreading like wildfire, people are starting to look at the extremes of parenting from all sides. Because I subscribe to my own self-created positive parenting methods, I have been questioned by readers about discipline. Many have made assumptions that positive parenting methods do not offer discipline and that children are being catered to. I cannot speak for all parents. However, my positive parenting methods definitely involve discipline.
What is positive parenting? Positive parenting is a method in which guardians choose to guide children without force. It is about looking for ways to teach and parent children that stimulate positive reactions, behaviors, and lessons. In positive parenting, the goal is to teach children how to resolve issues, control emotions and behaviors, and relate to others in a way that brings about a positive result. What is discipline? Discipline is the act of teaching the consequences of actions. Discipline is necessary in showing children what happens when they do or don't do certain things throughout life. Children who receive zero discipline may fail to fully understand why certain behaviors and actions are inappropriate. Some misconceptions about positive parenting and discipline:
What is positive discipline? In positive parenting, the goal is not to avoid discipline, but to use it in a way that is productive in a good way. There is not one positive method that will work in every situation. In fact, for discipline to trigger a positive and productive response from children, it should be geared toward each unique situation. Also, remember that that each child has unique needs, depending on age, abilities, mental and social state, and more. You know your child best. When choosing discipline methods that will teach the lesson, as well as create a positive result, think of the situation itself, as well as what is most likely to work for your child. For instance, a timeout might work work well for one two year old. But drawing an apology picture or getting a privilege or toy taken away may work for another. Is there a such thing as negative discipline? Of course. Negative discipline is that which either harms the child or does not effectively teach the lesson. It can also be both. Some parents may find that spanking their children only makes them fearful in their presence and also teaches their children to hit others in order to solve a problem. If this is the case in your home, you have found a negative discipline method. Any method that causes another harm or creates more issues than it solves is a negative form of discipline. How can my family start using positive discipline? One of the easiest ways I have recommended to those new to positive parenting is to start a Parenting Mistake Journal. Take down all the issues in your home each day and what you did to solve the issues. Look over the issues and observe the kids to see whether your discipline techniques had a positive or negative impact. If the results from your actions turn out negative or the problem was not really resolved, try to think of a more positive way to turn things around. Do this daily until you get to a point where you no longer need a journal to figure things out. Note: The author's positive parenting method has evolved into what she calls Upstream Parenting. *I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network 
My father was a huge disciplinarian and I thank my mom every day for having the sense to get away from him early on. Some of the scars from his mistreatment will probably stick with me my whole life. My mom's methods stick with me too -- in a positive way. While yelling, spanking, demanding and other forceful methods my dad used got me to obey at the time, they actually taught me nothing, other than that he was not a very nice person. My mom's more positive methods taught me too. They actually taught me important life lessons that stick with me today.
There are several things Chua never allowed her daughters to do. These included play dates, performing in a school play (and they could not complain about this), be less than No. 1 in every subject (except gym and drama), and refuse to play the violin and piano. These two instruments were a requirement, and long and rigorous practices happened every day, leaving the kids no time for play. In her book, she states this is the normal way children are raised in Eastern cultures. She believes Westerners have it all wrong. The fact the children were not allowed to make play dates -- and did not even have time for play, anyway -- is appalling. Children need to play. It helps develop important social and life skills. The American Academy of Pediatrics states that play is crucial to cognitive, physical, emotional, and social well-being. My child-rearing methods are a complete about-face of Chua's. I currently am raising my children in Colorado. They are also educated from home sometimes. So perhaps I fit the "Westerner" mentality she seems to loathe. I believe in gaining respect by giving it. I also believe children have the right to decide their own beliefs and interests. Through my self-developed positive parenting methods, my children are educated through nature, books and play and are taught to be independent thinkers. During music practice, Chua actually says to her daughter "Oh, my God, you're just getting worse and worse." How is she supposed to be encouraged to continue? If a child really feels she is just getting worse, she may also feel there is no point in going further. In line with my positive parenting techniques, I would suggest a parent instead find a way to make learning the proper notes easier. When my kids are struggling with a subject, I like to create games that draw their interest, as well as teach the skill they need to learn. For instance, I have used basketball to enhance study time, made math fun with music, and so much more. I find that children are more receptive to learning when it is presented as something fun, rather than as a chore. I also do not force it on them and because of the lack of pressure and the entertainment involved, my children thoroughly enjoy learning. There is a huge difference between encouraging educational responsibility in children and treating them like property. Note: The author's positive parenting method has evolved into what she calls Upstream Parenting. (This was originally published on Yahoo News via Yahoo Contributor Network) Positive Parenting Tips: Respecting Your Child's Own Beliefs
"Mom, I don't know how to tell you this, but I am an Atheist." If you're a Christian, this might be hard to hear from your child. If you believe a certain faith (or none), if your child's beliefs are not the same as yours, it may make you feel like a failure or may even upset you. But as parents, we must all love our children, regardless of whether their beliefs line up with our own. Here are some things to remember and ways to cope with this situation.
Your beliefs are not the only ones. While we all would like our children to follow the same belief system we hold, there are many other faiths and beliefs than the ones we each hold. Realize that they may choose to believe something that you don't necessarily agree with. This does not mean they don't respect you. It just means they may have a different thought process. Teach your child what you value without forcing it. It is perfectly normal to teach your children about what you believe in. However, it is not acceptable to force it on them. Remember that children have rights too. Just because they are smaller and an extension of you does not mean they are your robots. Allow them to think for themselves. They may agree with your values, but they also might not. Unless your child is in immediate danger, allow them freedom to make their own choices. Realize your child's beliefs may differ from yours. If your child's value system does not resemble yours, it is not a personal attack on you. Every person is different. Embrace your child's unique strengths and beliefs. It can be difficult to do this when it is a matter of values and religion. However, remember that your child will not be a child his whole life. He needs to learn to make decisions himself to succeed in the world. Listen to your child without judgment. Let her tell you where she is coming from and why. Don't explain why you feel she is wrong. Just be quiet and listen. She may have a point - or you may completely disagree. Either way, respect her individualism and let her express her thoughts to you. This lets her know that she matters to you and will help her feel comfortable in opening up to you. Discuss each other's beliefs openly without expectations. Once it has been established that your beliefs differ, have open discussions regularly. You can tell each other about your faiths without judgment or expectations. The goal in these discussions is not to convince each other one way or the other. Rather, it should be to understand the other's faith whether you agree with it or not. *I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network |
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About the Book:
The FLOW-Key Parenting Book provides tips from Lyn Lomasi's practical method for parents to help their children F.L.O.W. and thrive. Focus on issues with love, expression, and your child's self-mastery. At the same time, be an authority that prepares your child with lessons that equip them for the real world. The FLOW-Key Parenting method will help you learn how to connect with your children, teach them respect and discipline, raise them to be independent thinkers, and help you guide them to succeed on their self-chosen path. FLOW-Key Parenting is a proven child and growth-focused method that has been put to use with all seven of my children, as well as with countless kids I've nannied over the years. Find helpful tips for specific situations, reflective thoughts for all situations, fun activities to help your child grow, great activities to connect with your child, and more! Not only that, but learn how to put them into action easily and right away! With this extensive eBook, you can help your child connect with you and the world around them in their own unique way, as well as learn to communicate with and respect all people in a positive and productive manner. FEATURED CONTRIBUTORS
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Lyn Lomasi is founder and owner of the Brand Shamans Content Community. Services include ordained soul therapy and healing ministry, business success coaching, business success services, handcrafted healing jewelry, ethereal and anointing oils, altar and spiritual supplies and services, handcrafted healing beauty products, and more!
Lyn is your brand healing, soul healing, marketing & content superhero to the rescue! While rescuing civilians from boring business practices and energy vampires, this awesomely crazy family conquers evil and creates change. They live among tigers, dragons, mermaids, unicorns, and other fantastic energies, teaching others to claim their own power and do the same. By supporting us, you support a dedicated parent, healer, and minority small business that donates to several causes. Profits from our all-inclusive store, Intent-sive Nature support these causes and our beautiful family! HIRE OR SHOP WITH LYN | CONTACT LYN Parental Peeps
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- Orgone Or Orgonite
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- Yoga & Meditation
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