Your older kids won't share and you don't know why. You taught them to share as toddlers. But now all of a sudden they seem quite stingy. It's actually something parents deal with on a regular basis. I have even dealt with this in my own children, as well as those I've nannied in the past. When older kids won't share, I find it doesn't always indicate they are being mean. There may be a deeper issue or maybe even a simple parenting solution.
Get To The Root Of The Issue
It's easy to get frustrated when you think your child should know better. But there may very well be a simple reason behind your child not wanting to share. Is the item something special? Is there another plausible reason? Sit your child down for a long talk '" only you do the listening. Let your child's words dominate. Even if you don't agree, hear what your child is saying and try to understand why sharing seems so out of reach with this item.
Maybe They Don't Have Much
Older kids aren't as prone to being stingy as younger ones. Is your child hoarding a specific item or group of items because they don't have much else? Sometimes when kids don't feel they have very much, they can appear to be stingy with what they do have. It may not be stinginess, but an attempt to protect what they treasure. Some parents will make the mistake of showering them with gifts when they hear this. Buying a few things is fine. But, let them treasure a few special items that they aren't expected to share with everyone.
Are Other Kids Picking On Them, Losing Their Things, Or Bullying?
Sometimes kids don't want to share because other kids are bullying them. Who wants to share with someone who is being mean or taking their toys? Have a talk with your child to make sure this is not what's happening. My older kids have certain things they do not like to share with the younger kids. While the younger kids are not bullying them, they aren't always as responsible with some things. Therefore, the older kids hesitate to share certain items and I am fine with this.
Have You Instilled Compassion?
This is another reason some older kids may not share. If kids are not taught to consider the feelings of others, they really may not understand why they cannot share. Ask them what it feels like when other people do not want to share with them. Be sure they know that what they feel may be exactly what others feel and it isn't nice to make others feel that way. Since this is older kids we're talking about here, you can talk to them like adults. They will understand you.
Show Them What It Feels Like When Others Share
Share something of yours that you treasure. Once you do, have them describe to you how that makes them feel. Most likely, it makes them feel very special. Be sure to point out that the same feelings will be displayed by those they share their things with. They may be smart enough to know this. But perhaps it isn't the first that comes to mind. Sometimes older kids, and even adults, need to be reminded of these things.
Getting to the root of the issue behind older kids refusing to share is as simple as observation. Sit in the sidelines to see what is going on. With a combination of persistence, consistence, and lessons in compassion, your older kids can soon get back to the friendly, caring attitude you know and love.
Positive Parenting: Why Doesn't My Teen Trust Me?
As a veteran parent, I often get asked questions about raising children. Teenage years seem to be the toughest for many parents. This is in part due to the fact that kids start becoming independent. One question people ask often is "Why doesn't my teen trust me?" Is the parent at fault when teenagers don't trust them? Is there a deeper reason or is this just a part of the transition into adulthood?
Does your teen have reason not to trust you? Take a look at how you interact with your teen. Do you break promises to him? Do you do more talking than listening? Perhaps your teen is afraid you will want him to do things just like you and his beliefs differ from yours. Examine your relationship to see what you can do to build upon trust. It is not always the parent's fault when this happens. There also may be a simpler explanation. But don't automatically assume the problem can't lie with you.
Your teen may simply be looking for a friend, not a parent. Let her trust in her friends rather than you when she needs to. It is not necessary for her to tell you everything about her life. While it is hard to realize that our children are growing up, we need to give them their own space. Just because she isn't trusting in you, does not mean you are a bad parent. She may simply need a close friend to lean on. This is perfectly healthy and normal.
Listen, but don't talk. Sometimes a teen just wants to vent. Don't analyze the situation. Just sit there and hear what she has to say. It can be difficult to listen without trying to solve the problem. But be confident in your parenting skills. Ask questions instead of providing solutions. Your teen can and should think for himself. This not only helps him learn to trust you, but also teaches invaluable problem-solving skills. You can offer advice later. But when your teen is opening up, it is best to be minimal with your words and let her express her concerns.
Discuss issues you faced as a teen. This is one of the most important things you can do for your child. While you may not think so, teens do listen to their parents. They may protest and say things like "It was different when you were a kid, Mom" or "You don't understand!" But trust me, they hear you. When difficult situations arise, they will think back to many of the things you have discussed over the years. Remember those days when your parents gave you advice? You may not have been too happy to hear it. But chances are, you have applied some or all of it over the years. Give your teen the chance to make her own decisions and learn from doing, just like you did.
Keep a parent to child journal. A journal where you each write notes to each other can help bring you closer together. When your teen is frustrated, it may be easier to write things out on paper than tell you to your face. You can write back after reading each note written to you. That way, your teen can read the responses when she is more comfortable. The journal can be used both for fun and lighthearted discussions, as well as more serious ones.
Some trust issues may be cause for deeper concern, such as bullying, mental health issues, and more. This article is for informational purposes only and is not meant to diagnose or treat any conditions. Always seek appropriately licensed health care specialists for advice specific to your child.
*I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network
Does your teen need a boost of self-worth? Even if you answered no, it's always good to immerse teens in activities that help raise their self-confidence levels. The teenage years can be difficult to get through. But a healthy dose of self-esteem can play a vital role in helping them get through all the ups and downs of hormones and life itself. Self esteem isn't always something that comes naturally for everyone and even when it does, it's still great to nurture it. By consistently taking advantage of naturally occurring events and activities, your teens' self-esteem can shine.
Teach your teen a new dance or let them show you. Learning and conquering a new skill is a great confidence booster. You may think your teen is embarrassed to dance with you. But the truth is, most teens look up to their parents and want to please them. Showing you the dance techniques can be mastered is a simple and fun way for your teen to feel accomplished. Practice this often for optimal results. Dancing isn't really my thing. But one of my teens loves it. So I frequently watch her perform all the great new moves she learns and invents. Since I am not much of a dancer, I don't usually dance along. But she knows myself and the entire family love watching her perform.
Let your teen help with a meaningful task. Trusting your teen with something that you normally do can be good for enhancing self worth. It's a great feeling knowing someone trusts you with an important task. Think about how you would feel if your boss put you in charge of something normally done by a person in a higher position than you. That's exactly how your teen will feel. It might be a little overwhelming at first. But imagine how great your teen will feel when the task is accomplished.
Give your teen more responsibility and make trust obvious. Teens need preparation for when they become adults. This is the perfect age to give them more responsibility. Teach them about employment and how to apply for jobs. Summer and after-school positions are great for this stage. Even if your family does not need the extra money, this can be an important life lesson. Other responsibilities may include work around the house, grocery shopping, helping figure out the family budget, and other household responsibilities. Self worth often comes from successfully performing both simple and complex tasks.
Compliment your teen when it's warranted. If you notice that your teen has a cute outfit on or a nice hairstyle, don't be afraid to say so. You may think it sounds cheesy. But truthful compliments can help your teen feel good about self image. Pay attention to not only your teen's appearance but also any completed tasks. Whenever any of my kids does something nice without me asking, I make sure I thank them and let them know how much it means to me. Be sure not to to overdo it or your compliments won't be taken seriously. Always be genuine and honest with your words.
Let your teen work or volunteer. Serving others is an excellent way to help your teen feel good inside. There is no other feeling like the one found inside when giving to others. Aside from that, each goal or task your teen completes will help give a sense of accomplishment. My teen daughter is looking forward to the day when she can become an official volunteer at a local shelter. Until then, we spend a great deal of our own time visiting the animals and giving them affection. The kids feel so great knowing they have touched the lives of so many animals.
*I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network
With new studies revealing that Facebook can be detrimental to teens psychologically, as well as educationally, parents need to be more cautious than ever. If you thought safety from predators and cyber-bullying were your only concerns with Facebook for your teens, you thought wrong.
Here are five quick tips to make Facebook a healthier environment:
You can't necessarily tell your teen to just stop cold turkey because that may cause more damage. But setting clearer limits, making more activities available, and having a talk with your teen can go a long way.
Instant Download On Order
About the Book:
The FLOW-Key Parenting Book provides tips from Lyn Lomasi's practical method for parents to help their children F.L.O.W. and thrive. Focus on issues with love, expression, and your child's self-mastery. At the same time, be an authority that prepares your child with lessons that equip them for the real world.
The FLOW-Key Parenting method will help you learn how to connect with your children, teach them respect and discipline, raise them to be independent thinkers, and help you guide them to succeed on their self-chosen path.
FLOW-Key Parenting is a proven child and growth-focused method that has been put to use with all seven of my children, as well as with countless kids I've nannied over the years.
Find helpful tips for specific situations, reflective thoughts for all situations, fun activities to help your child grow, great activities to connect with your child, and more! Not only that, but learn how to put them into action easily and right away!
With this extensive eBook, you can help your child connect with you and the world around them in their own unique way, as well as learn to communicate with and respect all people in a positive and productive manner.
Lyn Lomasi is founder and owner of the Brand Shamans Content Community. Services include ordained soul therapy and healing ministry, business success coaching, business success services, handcrafted healing jewelry, ethereal and anointing oils, altar and spiritual supplies and services, handcrafted healing beauty products, and more!
Lyn is your brand healing, soul healing, marketing & content superhero to the rescue! While rescuing civilians from boring business practices and energy vampires, this awesomely crazy family conquers evil and creates change.
They live among tigers, dragons, mermaids, unicorns, and other fantastic energies, teaching others to claim their own power and do the same.
By supporting us, you support a dedicated parent, healer, and minority small business that donates to several causes. Profits from our all-inclusive store, Intent-sive Nature support these causes and our beautiful family!
HIRE OR SHOP WITH LYN | CONTACT LYN