With the news of Amy Chua's Tiger Mother parenting spreading like wildfire, people are starting to look at the extremes of parenting from all sides. Because I subscribe to my own self-created positive parenting methods, I have been questioned by readers about discipline. Many have made assumptions that positive parenting methods do not offer discipline and that children are being catered to. I cannot speak for all parents. However, my positive parenting methods definitely involve discipline.
What is positive parenting? Positive parenting is a method in which guardians choose to guide children without force. It is about looking for ways to teach and parent children that stimulate positive reactions, behaviors, and lessons. In positive parenting, the goal is to teach children how to resolve issues, control emotions and behaviors, and relate to others in a way that brings about a positive result. What is discipline? Discipline is the act of teaching the consequences of actions. Discipline is necessary in showing children what happens when they do or don't do certain things throughout life. Children who receive zero discipline may fail to fully understand why certain behaviors and actions are inappropriate. Some misconceptions about positive parenting and discipline:
What is positive discipline? In positive parenting, the goal is not to avoid discipline, but to use it in a way that is productive in a good way. There is not one positive method that will work in every situation. In fact, for discipline to trigger a positive and productive response from children, it should be geared toward each unique situation. Also, remember that that each child has unique needs, depending on age, abilities, mental and social state, and more. You know your child best. When choosing discipline methods that will teach the lesson, as well as create a positive result, think of the situation itself, as well as what is most likely to work for your child. For instance, a timeout might work work well for one two year old. But drawing an apology picture or getting a privilege or toy taken away may work for another. Is there a such thing as negative discipline? Of course. Negative discipline is that which either harms the child or does not effectively teach the lesson. It can also be both. Some parents may find that spanking their children only makes them fearful in their presence and also teaches their children to hit others in order to solve a problem. If this is the case in your home, you have found a negative discipline method. Any method that causes another harm or creates more issues than it solves is a negative form of discipline. How can my family start using positive discipline? One of the easiest ways I have recommended to those new to positive parenting is to start a Parenting Mistake Journal. Take down all the issues in your home each day and what you did to solve the issues. Look over the issues and observe the kids to see whether your discipline techniques had a positive or negative impact. If the results from your actions turn out negative or the problem was not really resolved, try to think of a more positive way to turn things around. Do this daily until you get to a point where you no longer need a journal to figure things out. Note: The author's positive parenting method has evolved into what she calls Upstream Parenting. *I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network
1 Comment
My father was a huge disciplinarian and I thank my mom every day for having the sense to get away from him early on. Some of the scars from his mistreatment will probably stick with me my whole life. My mom's methods stick with me too -- in a positive way. While yelling, spanking, demanding and other forceful methods my dad used got me to obey at the time, they actually taught me nothing, other than that he was not a very nice person. My mom's more positive methods taught me too. They actually taught me important life lessons that stick with me today.
There are several things Chua never allowed her daughters to do. These included play dates, performing in a school play (and they could not complain about this), be less than No. 1 in every subject (except gym and drama), and refuse to play the violin and piano. These two instruments were a requirement, and long and rigorous practices happened every day, leaving the kids no time for play. In her book, she states this is the normal way children are raised in Eastern cultures. She believes Westerners have it all wrong. The fact the children were not allowed to make play dates -- and did not even have time for play, anyway -- is appalling. Children need to play. It helps develop important social and life skills. The American Academy of Pediatrics states that play is crucial to cognitive, physical, emotional, and social well-being. My child-rearing methods are a complete about-face of Chua's. I currently am raising my children in Colorado. They are also educated from home sometimes. So perhaps I fit the "Westerner" mentality she seems to loathe. I believe in gaining respect by giving it. I also believe children have the right to decide their own beliefs and interests. Through my self-developed positive parenting methods, my children are educated through nature, books and play and are taught to be independent thinkers. During music practice, Chua actually says to her daughter "Oh, my God, you're just getting worse and worse." How is she supposed to be encouraged to continue? If a child really feels she is just getting worse, she may also feel there is no point in going further. In line with my positive parenting techniques, I would suggest a parent instead find a way to make learning the proper notes easier. When my kids are struggling with a subject, I like to create games that draw their interest, as well as teach the skill they need to learn. For instance, I have used basketball to enhance study time, made math fun with music, and so much more. I find that children are more receptive to learning when it is presented as something fun, rather than as a chore. I also do not force it on them and because of the lack of pressure and the entertainment involved, my children thoroughly enjoy learning. There is a huge difference between encouraging educational responsibility in children and treating them like property. Note: The author's positive parenting method has evolved into what she calls Upstream Parenting. (This was originally published on Yahoo News via Yahoo Contributor Network) |
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The FLOW-Key Parenting Book provides tips from Lyn Lomasi's practical method for parents to help their children F.L.O.W. and thrive. Focus on issues with love, expression, and your child's self-mastery. At the same time, be an authority that prepares your child with lessons that equip them for the real world. The FLOW-Key Parenting method will help you learn how to connect with your children, teach them respect and discipline, raise them to be independent thinkers, and help you guide them to succeed on their self-chosen path. FLOW-Key Parenting is a proven child and growth-focused method that has been put to use with all seven of my children, as well as with countless kids I've nannied over the years. Find helpful tips for specific situations, reflective thoughts for all situations, fun activities to help your child grow, great activities to connect with your child, and more! Not only that, but learn how to put them into action easily and right away! With this extensive eBook, you can help your child connect with you and the world around them in their own unique way, as well as learn to communicate with and respect all people in a positive and productive manner. FEATURED CONTRIBUTORS
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Lyn Lomasi is founder and owner of the Brand Shamans Content Community. Services include ordained soul therapy and healing ministry, business success coaching, business success services, handcrafted healing jewelry, ethereal and anointing oils, altar and spiritual supplies and services, handcrafted healing beauty products, and more!
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