I see all the beauty in life that I never noticed before. I even see the beauty in having Lupus, as witnessed by this blog. And you know that saying about living for the small things? It just becomes clearer with Lupus.
Lupus gives me the clarity I need to see behind grumpy people, mean people and angry people too. It helps me understand that there is a deep, personal beauty in everyone. Sure, it can be hard to find it in some folks, but the effort is worth it.
And with Lupus, of course, since I can't really work, I have plenty of time to seek out the beautiful things in life too. When it snows, I can sit by the window and watch the fairy magic. When it rains, I can dance in it (on good days). When the sun shines, although I can't stay in it for long, I can sit in my back yard and just soak it up for a few minutes.
I have time to watch sunsets and sunrises. I revel in the small expressions that cross the faces of my loved ones. I delight in watching life burst forth from my garden.
I know that you might say that one could do that without Lupus. But the thing is that with Lupus, with the knowing and facing of my own immortality, there comes this deeper understanding that I can't quite explain.
The things I used to think of as important have fallen by the wayside.
That never ending quest for fame and fortune is the biggest one. I can relax and just enjoy the beauty of my life.
Material possessions fade into the background. I don't really want anything but peace, love and joy for everyone.
Yes, Lupus hurts like holy hell. It makes me so very, very tired. I'm deeply, bone chillingly, dizzy at times. It sucks. But it also brings me to a place of beautiful acceptance that “normal” people never get to see.
So thanks Lupus, for showing me that life is beautiful, in and of itself, no qualifications, classifications, designations or limitations required. It's just spectacularly wondrously, lovely. Every last bit of it!