“What?! Girl, you need to get out there and mingle.” This is a typical reaction from well-meaning friends and family about me being single. I mingle. I have many friends and have met many nice singles, like myself. I enjoy the company of several people that could possibly be a good match for me. Lack of available potential partners is not the problem. In fact, there is no problem – unless you call being happy a problem. There are however, some personal reasons I am choosing to stay single on purpose for now.
Where is the time?
I hardly have time in a day to get through everything on my current schedule. Imagine adding a partner to the mix. I honestly feel sorry for anyone besides my kids, pets, and job that would be in need of large amounts of attention from me right now. I can't give it anywhere else.
There's just no time between homeschooling, transporting kids to extra classes, running normal errands for myself and four kids, walking three dogs several times per day, working, housework, family fun, and everything else a single momtrepreneur has to handle.
I'm sure that I would make time if somehow in my busy schedule, I was able to connect with someone on that deeper level. But right now, being single is the most considerate option for myself, as well as any potential partner – unless I happen to connect with one who is just as busy and understands this.
Independence is huge.
I am one of those people who needs this – and lots of it. Staying single lets me keep that. I am sure there are potential partners who would as well. But at this moment in time, I am not ready to give up my independence if I end up with one who can't handle that.
Freedom to be me and handle my busy life without answering to another is very necessary for me right now. All of the important things in my life are necessary and all of them need to be done on time and without anyone else's possible objection.
Is that selfish?
If meeting my family’s needs and doing my job efficiently is selfish, then I guess so. But I doubt it. It's just life and right now, I need to be free to live it. I can't drop these things if someone else has an issue with any of them. This same independence is necessary for my children and no one else will change that.
Both in work life and home life, I am a workaholic.
If my kids need to get to a class, I will make it happen, no matter how many other things are going on that day. If I get a last-minute call to attend a business-related meeting, I'm there. If my kids and pets want to go play at the park, I will go, even if I have to do my work from there. I will always squeeze in more tasks when it comes to both work life and home life.
Many partners cannot handle this aspect of my life. I am not going to change it. My work always comes first, be it managing my household or managing my career. Both are my job and I do my job well – and twenty-four hours per day. If my family or my job needs me, I am there. I cannot choose the time of day someone might get sick or or otherwise need me. I am at work all the time.
Being single is the best way for me to ensure this stays exactly how it is. This is my life. I love it and will always be a workaholic. Of course, should there ever be time for a partner, you can bet I'd be a workaholic at making that work too.
I am too open-minded.
When it comes to relationships, and life in general, my ideas are a bit too free for some to handle. I am one of those people who respects others whether our beliefs and actions align or not. You'd think this wouldn't be a problem because it means in a relationship with me, both people are free to be who they are and do as they please. But some people cannot handle this kind of thing at all – because if they are “free” then so am I.
You want an open relationship? Cool. Just let me know. If we mesh, let's make that happen. Do you like to collect something strange and disperse it all over your house? Fine with me. I'll probably ask you to explain the history behind some or all of your items. Even if we end up living in the same house and I hate your taste in collectibles, you can put them where you want them, even with some of my prized possessions if you wish.
Sound good to you? Awesome. Does it sound just as good if you have to give me the same rights? In my experience, most say no with their actions and that’s where the problem lies. Our family life could be considered a bit eclectic. I “allow” my kids to be loud, as long as it's a happy loud. In fact, I join right in most of the time. We are a silly, fun, and zany family.
My son goes in public in his clown outfit often and sometimes I join him. Sometimes we all dress up in costumes when it's not Halloween. The welcome sign on our door says “Welcome to the jungle. Enter if u dare.” It has a jungle scene painted on top with the first sentence and a Halloween-esque scene on the bottom half with the second sentence. Trust me, to handle our lifestyle, you need an open mind.
Single and misery are not synonymous.
Neither are relationships and happiness. Life is always what you make it. A person can be happy and single. You don't see me moping around the house, crying to my friends that I need a life partner. No way! Why not? I'm happy. I will always be happy, no matter my relationship status.
If I do get in a relationship, it won't be to create happiness. It will be because I have found someone that I bond with. We will both be a good accent to the other, but we will not be responsible for each other's happiness. If we are truly happy, then happiness together will come naturally.
I have no objection to having a partner. I am simply not willing to settle for just anyone to say I'm in a relationship. I'd rather be happy myself unless and until I truly connect with someone. The word “single” is not an evil word.
“She's so cute! (pause) Oh...that's a boy (strange look that quickly turns into an awkward smile).” This is a typical reaction some people give when I take my son (who is an aspiring clown) into public with one of his clown outfits on. Dressing like a clown is a perfectly normal activity, especially for a kid who is developing his own clown show. This makes most people smile. But some are confused and others are rude. It was baffling to me why some people have such a hard time understanding a boy dressing as a clown. Many clowns are boys. Following are the common questions and sources of confusion, along with my thoughts and feelings.
It's not Halloween or a birthday party
I can somewhat understand some people being confused by my son dressing as a clown for seemingly no reason. I mean, I do let him go out in public that way if he chooses to do so – and not just on “appropriate” occasions, such as Halloween.
Sometimes we are out and about doing filming for various music videos and his web show. But sometimes, he just wants to wear one of his clown outfits. Before whispering snide remarks, it might be wise (and possibly educational and fun) to ask us about it. Most people are cheered up by my son's clown outfit and some are anxiously awaiting his next performance.
But some are just plain intolerant. Even if my son were not planning on doing this as a profession, he's a kid – 8 years old to be exact. Let him have fun and dress as he wants. Childhood is one of the best times for that.
Why is a boy wearing makeup?
Makeup is not just for girls. While girls may dominate media portrayal of a typical makeup customer, boys often wear makeup too. This can be especially true in show business. However, boys use makeup for many other reasons as well. Clowning is one of them.
My son is very secure in who he is and he would be whether he wore clown makeup or not. How do I know this? I teach my kids to always be themselves and command respect for the person they are, not another person's vision of who they should be. Besides, who wrote the book of rules on who can and can't wear makeup?
If a boy wants makeup on, for whatever reason, he should be able to put it on. If you're wondering (not that t matters), my son only wears makeup for his clowning.
Aren't you making him gay?
This is one of the worst questions I have received about my son dressing as a clown. Stereotyping is not OK in any form or fashion and is often incorrect anyhow. Sure, you can find gay clowns – just as you can find straight clowns, bisexual clowns, transgender clowns, and more.
My son is not gay. However, if he was, I would still love him. A person's sexual orientation has nothing to do with who that person is as a whole and has no bearing on whether I should love that person or not. That said, dressing as a clown and being gay are not synonymous. This is no better than the stereotype that all male dancers or cheerleaders are gay.
I am also offended by that question in general because it says that person believes I am trying to make my son something he is not. Yes, I encourage his clowning, but not because it's what I want – and certainly not because I want him to be gay (stifling a laugh here, sorry). I encourage and support him because when he dresses as a clown and puts on his acts, he is doing what he loves.
Yes, my son dresses as a clown. Yes, I am proud of him for doing what he loves. Yes, I will continue to “allow” this for as long as it makes my son happy. Have issues with that? Looks like those are your issues, not ours.
"I remain just one thing, and one thing only, and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician." ~Charlie Chaplin
QUICK UPDATE 10/20/2016: Yes, my son still dresses as a clown at 12 years old and so does my 13 year old daughter. They are still working hard at producing their clown web show and sometimes I dress up and participate. Have a problem with that? STILL not our problem.