“What?! Girl, you need to get out there and mingle.” This is a typical reaction from well-meaning friends and family about me being single. I mingle. I have many friends and have met many nice singles, like myself. I enjoy the company of several people that could possibly be a good match for me. Lack of available potential partners is not the problem. In fact, there is no problem – unless you call being happy a problem. There are however, some personal reasons I am choosing to stay single on purpose for now.
Where is the time?
I hardly have time in a day to get through everything on my current schedule. Imagine adding a partner to the mix. I honestly feel sorry for anyone besides my kids, pets, and job that would be in need of large amounts of attention from me right now. I can't give it anywhere else.
There's just no time between homeschooling, transporting kids to extra classes, running normal errands for myself and four kids, walking three dogs several times per day, working, housework, family fun, and everything else a single momtrepreneur has to handle.
I'm sure that I would make time if somehow in my busy schedule, I was able to connect with someone on that deeper level. But right now, being single is the most considerate option for myself, as well as any potential partner – unless I happen to connect with one who is just as busy and understands this.
Independence is huge.
I am one of those people who needs this – and lots of it. Staying single lets me keep that. I am sure there are potential partners who would as well. But at this moment in time, I am not ready to give up my independence if I end up with one who can't handle that.
Freedom to be me and handle my busy life without answering to another is very necessary for me right now. All of the important things in my life are necessary and all of them need to be done on time and without anyone else's possible objection.
Is that selfish?
If meeting my family’s needs and doing my job efficiently is selfish, then I guess so. But I doubt it. It's just life and right now, I need to be free to live it. I can't drop these things if someone else has an issue with any of them. This same independence is necessary for my children and no one else will change that.
Both in work life and home life, I am a workaholic.
If my kids need to get to a class, I will make it happen, no matter how many other things are going on that day. If I get a last-minute call to attend a business-related meeting, I'm there. If my kids and pets want to go play at the park, I will go, even if I have to do my work from there. I will always squeeze in more tasks when it comes to both work life and home life.
Many partners cannot handle this aspect of my life. I am not going to change it. My work always comes first, be it managing my household or managing my career. Both are my job and I do my job well – and twenty-four hours per day. If my family or my job needs me, I am there. I cannot choose the time of day someone might get sick or or otherwise need me. I am at work all the time.
Being single is the best way for me to ensure this stays exactly how it is. This is my life. I love it and will always be a workaholic. Of course, should there ever be time for a partner, you can bet I'd be a workaholic at making that work too.
I am too open-minded.
When it comes to relationships, and life in general, my ideas are a bit too free for some to handle. I am one of those people who respects others whether our beliefs and actions align or not. You'd think this wouldn't be a problem because it means in a relationship with me, both people are free to be who they are and do as they please. But some people cannot handle this kind of thing at all – because if they are “free” then so am I.
You want an open relationship? Cool. Just let me know. If we mesh, let's make that happen. Do you like to collect something strange and disperse it all over your house? Fine with me. I'll probably ask you to explain the history behind some or all of your items. Even if we end up living in the same house and I hate your taste in collectibles, you can put them where you want them, even with some of my prized possessions if you wish.
Sound good to you? Awesome. Does it sound just as good if you have to give me the same rights? In my experience, most say no with their actions and that’s where the problem lies. Our family life could be considered a bit eclectic. I “allow” my kids to be loud, as long as it's a happy loud. In fact, I join right in most of the time. We are a silly, fun, and zany family.
My son goes in public in his clown outfit often and sometimes I join him. Sometimes we all dress up in costumes when it's not Halloween. The welcome sign on our door says “Welcome to the jungle. Enter if u dare.” It has a jungle scene painted on top with the first sentence and a Halloween-esque scene on the bottom half with the second sentence. Trust me, to handle our lifestyle, you need an open mind.
Single and misery are not synonymous.
Neither are relationships and happiness. Life is always what you make it. A person can be happy and single. You don't see me moping around the house, crying to my friends that I need a life partner. No way! Why not? I'm happy. I will always be happy, no matter my relationship status.
If I do get in a relationship, it won't be to create happiness. It will be because I have found someone that I bond with. We will both be a good accent to the other, but we will not be responsible for each other's happiness. If we are truly happy, then happiness together will come naturally.
I have no objection to having a partner. I am simply not willing to settle for just anyone to say I'm in a relationship. I'd rather be happy myself unless and until I truly connect with someone. The word “single” is not an evil word.