by Lyn Lomasi; Owner of Intent-sive Nature & Brand Shamans Content Community
I’ve always been a people watcher. An observer. Over the years, I’ve noticed somewhat of a pattern among many people. Whenever someone seems to “broken,” there’s always another who comes along and tries to fix that person. In most of those experiences, while the other person is genuine, it doesn’t always work. In fact, most of the time, it doesn’t. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not because the ideas are bad or wrong, but because what broken people truly need is love. The rest is up to them.
What? They’re Broken Because They Can’t Fix Themselves, Right?
Yes and no. Just because someone is currently having issues, it doesn’t mean they don’t have the ability to fix them. It’s possible they aren’t ready or haven’t fully embraced the issue yet. Perhaps they are working on the problem and it just isn’t obvious to others. Maybe they don’t want it to be.
People need to have space to resolve their own issues when the time is right for them, not when it’s right for others. Also, remember that what you perceive as a problem may not be as big of a deal to someone else.
How Can I Be Sure a Broken Person Fixes Themselves?
You can’t. And you shouldn’t. You can, of course make simple suggestions. However, it’s not okay to act like a person’s well-being is in your hands -- that they must do what you say in order to be “fixed” in other people’s eyes. The surest way to help a broken person fix themselves is to love them, be there for them, and give them space to figure it out themselves. In my observances of other people, those who better themselves generally do so on their own.
Those who try to be what someone else thinks is ideal and/or on that other person’s time end up failing at it. This is because a person has to be able to decide with their own heart and mind what to do and when to do it. If their heart isn’t into it, most of the time, any solution will fail.
A Good Friend or Confidant Can’t Just Do Nothing, Right?
This is both true and untrue. You’re not doing “nothing” by providing love and support. After all, love is the most important thing needed to mend a broken heart or spirit. A good friend or confidant may also make suggestions. But be careful not to push a broken person too hard or make it seem like you have the only answer.
There is more than one way to do something. Respect your loved one’s decision-making process, while being there when that person needs you. Love will go a much longer way and help keep your loved one happy while going through a hard time. Unless you’re a professional in the field the person needs help with -- and they’ve asked for your help -- it’s generally best to simply love and support them in their personal journey.
Again, broken people need love, not YOUR definition of fixing.
Don't Ask Why, Ask Why Not
by Phoenix A. Desertsong, Staff Writer, Healer & Advocate
Perhaps, it is simply my curious nature, or I just like to ask too many questions. But when I read this quote, it really made me realize that this is actually a good thing to ask.
"Others have seen what is and asked why. I have seen what could be and asked why not." - Pablo Picasso
I've asked myself that second question a lot. I always like to think about things in the sense of potential. Therefore, it makes sense to my mind to project my thoughts towards making the future better. Unfortunately, that way of thinking seems foreign to many people.
"Why not?" I ask. Then, people seem so sure when they tell me how something is without an explanation for why that thing is. So, then, how dare I ask why not it be a different way!
The truth is that nothing changes unless you suggest an alternative that’s both workable and positive. The problem is people oftentimes don't understand why a thing is the way it is. But there's nothing wrong with presupposing that something could be another way before understanding why something is how it is. This is because human reasoning is being used; that’s an activity that should be encouraged. By stifling this inspired session of reasoning, you could be missing out on a potential new idea or concept that could benefit many people.
We live in a world with all this increasing technology and convenience to information. Yet, this sort of creative thinking and positive reasoning is being stifled. Instead, we’re being programmed to think and respond in the patterns that make us good consumers and yes-persons.
Pablo Picasso, obviously, was ahead of his time in many ways. For me, this quote sums up his whole way of thinking. I actually think along these same lines, as well. I really don't like to ask "why." People don't necessarily know the hows and whys of everything. History is revised again and again to serve different agendas. So, common knowledge is not exactly accurate. There’s plenty to be questioned that’s often assumed to be fact.
Certainly, the facts are all out there to be found, but people are so busy asking why and accepting often incomplete and inaccurate answers. If you ask why not, that actually forces someone to reason through something for themselves. This is an extremely uncomfortable feeling for many people today.
Turns out, though, people tend to rather ask why than why not. This is because people should be taught the opposite. People should have to figure things out for themselves, not simply have things explained to them. Certainly, the person telling the why may not intentionally be trying to do anything wrong. But that explanation may not really be enough to give anyone a true understanding of what’s being asked.
You have to question every answer critically. I'm not saying to just be cynical about everything. Sadly, it can become extremely easy to do that in a world full of so much open dialogue and overflowing cornucopias of information. You simply have to ask why not, instead of just why. Then, you'll find that you'll have to seek out a lot more answers on your own than you ever had to before. You'll be far better for it.
~ Phoenix <3