I’ve always been a people watcher. An observer. Over the years, I’ve noticed somewhat of a pattern among many people. Whenever someone seems to “broken,” there’s always another who comes along and tries to fix that person. In most of those experiences, while the other person is genuine, it doesn’t always work. In fact, most of the time, it doesn’t. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not because the ideas are bad or wrong, but because what broken people truly need is love. The rest is up to them.
What? They’re Broken Because They Can’t Fix Themselves, Right?
Yes and no. Just because someone is currently having issues, it doesn’t mean they don’t have the ability to fix them. It’s possible they aren’t ready or haven’t fully embraced the issue yet. Perhaps they are working on the problem and it just isn’t obvious to others. Maybe they don’t want it to be.
People need to have space to resolve their own issues when the time is right for them, not when it’s right for others. Also, remember that what you perceive as a problem may not be as big of a deal to someone else.
How Can I Be Sure a Broken Person Fixes Themselves?
You can’t. And you shouldn’t. You can, of course make simple suggestions. However, it’s not okay to act like a person’s well-being is in your hands -- that they must do what you say in order to be “fixed” in other people’s eyes. The surest way to help a broken person fix themselves is to love them, be there for them, and give them space to figure it out themselves. In my observances of other people, those who better themselves generally do so on their own.
Those who try to be what someone else thinks is ideal and/or on that other person’s time end up failing at it. This is because a person has to be able to decide with their own heart and mind what to do and when to do it. If their heart isn’t into it, most of the time, any solution will fail.
A Good Friend or Confidant Can’t Just Do Nothing, Right?
This is both true and untrue. You’re not doing “nothing” by providing love and support. After all, love is the most important thing needed to mend a broken heart or spirit. A good friend or confidant may also make suggestions. But be careful not to push a broken person too hard or make it seem like you have the only answer.
There is more than one way to do something. Respect your loved one’s decision-making process, while being there when that person needs you. Love will go a much longer way and help keep your loved one happy while going through a hard time. Unless you’re a professional in the field the person needs help with -- and they’ve asked for your help -- it’s generally best to simply love and support them in their personal journey.
Again, broken people need love, not YOUR definition of fixing.