Rejection and Knowing Your Worth
by Lyn Lomasi, Write W.A.V.E. Media Staff
Browsing social media, I read the following quote: "Rejection doesn't mean you aren't good enough. It means the other person has failed to notice what you have to offer." I get the sentiment. However, I don't agree with this attitude in many areas. Here’s why.
Rejection in Relationships
When this advice is applied to relationships, it fails miserably. Just because you have something good to offer, doesn't mean someone has to take it. Sometimes the feeling just isn't mutual, even if the person really does know what you have to offer and they do like you as a friend. Sometimes you haven't had time to get close enough for those feelings to develop and time might change that. Sometimes it won't. Rejection doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you and it is perfectly normal and OK. It also doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the other person or that they did anything wrong by not accepting you as their mate.
As it applies to careers, the advice in the quote may somewhat apply. But, it is not completely right, in my opinion. It’s your job to make it obvious that you belong in a position. Even if you're qualified, you may still get rejected. Sometimes, it’s because people didn't see your value and sometimes they may well see your value but it isn't what they were looking for. It's possible someone else was more qualified, even if your experience was also worthy. Perhaps the experience was equal and they simply made a difficult choice. That doesn't mean that you or your work are not valued. There are many different reasons quality work or quality resumes get rejected and not all of them mean that someone didn't notice what you have to offer. It may, of course. But it doesn't always.
Know Your Worth Beyond Acceptance or Rejection
Rejection is natural and we are all different and have different needs. When you are rejected, you should not take it personally. You are valuable with or without a specific person or opportunity. Whether you are accepted by another person or within any position should never be what you use to value yourself. You are worth something because you're you, not because of your status in a career, social group, or relationship. Know your worth before, during, and after any and all statuses, opportunities, and relationships. Your personal strengths are such because they simply are, not because they are accepted by another as such.
What is meant to be will always happen and it may not always be when and what you think it will.
This idea came to me from an interesting creature who we call our mean bird. So, we will start with him first, before moving on to what I call "The Mean Bird Syndrome".
In our backyard, among other things, is a pear tree. In that pear tree resides a special bird who we have dubbed "the mean bird". He is often found in or around the pear tree, even when there is no fruit in the tree. There is also no nest in the tree, so it seems he just likes the tree.
If any person or animal happens to be in the backyard during the time he is in the tree, he yells at them very loudly, making it clear he wants not a soul around him or his precious tree. If a creature comes near the tree, that's when he chases them away, screeching at the top of his small bird lungs, sometimes even pecking at the creature during the process. He won't peck at people, though, just animals.
If he happens to be outside when the kids want to play, I usually end up having to chase him away, as he often makes it clear he does not want us there. However, he doesn't scare easily. It takes some effort on my part.
Have you ever seen a grown woman yelling at and shooing a small bird? It's pretty comical, so long as you're not the one doing it. Many times he will keep coming back and yelling right back at me and sometimes I have to laugh because although it is clear he is threatening me, I think it's quite cute and funny that a creature so small would even attempt to challenge a human.
Since I don't believe in harming any creatures, even cute little pesky ones, we just continue to deal with him, which brings me to what I call "The Mean Bird Syndrome".
Many people have a "mean bird" around them at some point in their life. It may be a person or a creature. This mean bird can greatly affect a person's mood if they let it. When that happens, that's what I call "The Mean Bird Syndrome".
While this can be avoided by not letting negativity affect a person, many people still fall victim to The Mean Bird Syndrome. So, how can it be avoided? Well, simply don't let the mean bird's negativity affect you. Keep your positive outlook. No matter what your mean bird says or does to you, do not take those words or actions to heart.
There will likely be many negative people and events in a person's lifetime. You can't let them steal your happiness. This can be hard, especially when words and actions are harsh and hurtful, but being strong and always using the negativity to create a positive force will help you avoid The Mean Bird Syndrome.
Using your positive force may even cause that mean bird to become your friend one day.
As for the mean bird in our pear tree, well I'm still working on making him a friend. Food helps for a few moments, but not long. However, we still aren't letting him put a damper on our outdoor fun. In fact, sometimes he makes it even more fun with all his carrying on.
Thankfully, he's the only mean bird around me right now. However, if and when I cross paths with another mean bird, I'll keep my little "friend" in mind and be sure I do not fall victim to The Mean Bird Syndrome. Will you be sure you don't?
Get your copy of the children’s story and activity book, “Thank You, Mean Bird”, inspired by our bird friend.
P.S. Our mean bird was a Grackle, a common bird seen around the city of Houston, where we used to live when this was first written.
*I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network
by Lyn Lomasi; Owner of Intent-sive Nature & Brand Shamans Content Community
I’ve always been a people watcher. An observer. Over the years, I’ve noticed somewhat of a pattern among many people. Whenever someone seems to “broken,” there’s always another who comes along and tries to fix that person. In most of those experiences, while the other person is genuine, it doesn’t always work. In fact, most of the time, it doesn’t. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not because the ideas are bad or wrong, but because what broken people truly need is love. The rest is up to them.
What? They’re Broken Because They Can’t Fix Themselves, Right?
Yes and no. Just because someone is currently having issues, it doesn’t mean they don’t have the ability to fix them. It’s possible they aren’t ready or haven’t fully embraced the issue yet. Perhaps they are working on the problem and it just isn’t obvious to others. Maybe they don’t want it to be.
People need to have space to resolve their own issues when the time is right for them, not when it’s right for others. Also, remember that what you perceive as a problem may not be as big of a deal to someone else.
How Can I Be Sure a Broken Person Fixes Themselves?
You can’t. And you shouldn’t. You can, of course make simple suggestions. However, it’s not okay to act like a person’s well-being is in your hands -- that they must do what you say in order to be “fixed” in other people’s eyes. The surest way to help a broken person fix themselves is to love them, be there for them, and give them space to figure it out themselves. In my observances of other people, those who better themselves generally do so on their own.
Those who try to be what someone else thinks is ideal and/or on that other person’s time end up failing at it. This is because a person has to be able to decide with their own heart and mind what to do and when to do it. If their heart isn’t into it, most of the time, any solution will fail.
A Good Friend or Confidant Can’t Just Do Nothing, Right?
This is both true and untrue. You’re not doing “nothing” by providing love and support. After all, love is the most important thing needed to mend a broken heart or spirit. A good friend or confidant may also make suggestions. But be careful not to push a broken person too hard or make it seem like you have the only answer.
There is more than one way to do something. Respect your loved one’s decision-making process, while being there when that person needs you. Love will go a much longer way and help keep your loved one happy while going through a hard time. Unless you’re a professional in the field the person needs help with -- and they’ve asked for your help -- it’s generally best to simply love and support them in their personal journey.
Again, broken people need love, not YOUR definition of fixing.
A Black Butterfly
Do you find yourself asking the question "Why am I working so hard with little to no results?" You aren't alone. Many people ask this question. Whether you relate this to a low-paying dead-end job or to some other situation in life, there still is hope. In fact, each time you work hard, you are getting results. You just may not see them. What do I mean? Read on to find out.
This message came to me in an odd way, which is often true for many things in life. This morning I was playing a game on the Facebook website called Farm Town, a game which several friends of mine are addicted to. Part of the game requires plowing fields to ready them for the crops. Probably due to a temporary glitch, when I placed one field, my character paid the money due and did the hard work, but the field did not plow. She did however still earn the experience points due.
This incident made me think about real life. Sometimes people work so hard, yet do not see the results expected. Does that mean the hard work was for nothing? Some may say yes here. I disagree. With hard work comes experience. Therefore, even though expected results are not always gained, that does not mean the hard work was for nothing. In fact, there are times where experience can be more valuable than any money or monetary award.
If you are relating your hard work with no results to a job, think about that for a moment. It's true that it's no fun to work hard day in and day out for minimum wage or less money than you believe you deserve for that work. However, at the present, many are taking whatever job they can get. If that's you and there is not another income opportunity, make the most of it. How?
Reap the benefits of experience, just like the farmer who plows many fields will learn to do it better over time. Keep working hard and learn as you do. That experience could help later down the road when there is better opportunity. That better opportunity may even exist within the very company you are putting all that time and effort into.
When it comes time to choose someone for a better position within the company, who do you think they'll look at first - the slacker on the phone all day or the hard worker? Even if it is not within that company that you advance, the experience you gained could come in handy for a future position and also looks good on a resume.
This can also be applied to any situation or goal in life where you are working hard to reach your desired result but feel like you're not reaching it. You are gaining experience and knowledge along the way. Some goals require a bit of extra knowledge to fully appreciate. Some require extra obstacles as well so that once you get there, you are strong enough to reap the benefits of the reward.
Hard work is not for nothing. It does eventually pay off, just not always in the way people expect.
*I originally published a version of this on 6/13/2009 via Yahoo Contributor Network
** Last updated 9/24/2020