by Lyn Lomasi, Write W.A.V.E. Media Staff
A friend posts something they experience on Facebook and everyone jumps in tossing down their two cent blows like a boxing match. But do you truly know how this other person feels on the inside or what they have gone through? The answer will always be no and if you think it's anything different, you have some learning to do about life.
What most people fail to realize is that each person is unique in how they feel physically, mentally, emotionally, and so on. This is largely based upon the fact that everyone's lives (what they've gone through) and physical limitations (or lack thereof) vary extremely from one person to the next.
Even if you've experienced similar things with someone, you're not that person. You may be able to listen, empathize, and even share experiences. However, don't presume that just because you have a similar experience, that experience or the attached feelings and effects are always the same.
Say a gay man is feeling down about the way a friend has treated him since he came out. If you're a gay man or a lesbian woman (or in any other group people may mistreat), you may be able to sympathize with this man, comfort him, or share experiences.
However, you should never assume what he feels or how he should react because you don't know what he's been through or how he feels on the inside. Some people may be able to just shake it off and move on. If that works for them, awesome. But it may not work for another person, for whatever reason. Don't assume they're being difficult or they need to get over it.
Listen and learn why this made them so upset. Maybe the person ridiculing them is the one who needs to learn something. Again, it's more about each unique person than it is about how you dealt with your own situation. Your story may help but the way you deal with things is only one way and may not work for everyone.
When I was pregnant with my 4th child, it was very risky and after a certain point, I was ordered to be on bed rest for the remainder of that pregnancy. Someone actually told me that it wasn't hard to be pregnant and I should get my lazy ass back to work and suck it up.
Thing is, that person not only had no right to judge, but they also had no clue how hard I was struggling on the inside about not being able to work or how hard it was for me to do anything at all. I had three prior pregnancies and two of those were fairly easy. My body would not let me work this time and neither would my doctor.
It took all my strength to walk my kids to school and then later even more to homeschool them, due to problems with the school being behind in academics. Even with taking it as easy as possible, my son was born early at only 34 and a half weeks gestation, with his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck.
Prior to the birth, I had true false labor more than once, as well as issues with severe pain (I have a high pain tolerance, so it was bad), severe morning sickness, and so on. I also have a heart condition, fatigue, a digestive condition, and three nerve conditions. All of them affect me more severely than usual during pregnancy.
My son turned out fine. However, can you imagine if I had let that judging person influence what I did? He may not be here today or may have been affected severely and possibly I could have been as well. Just because you have been pregnant before doesn't mean you know everything about everyone else's pregnancy.
All bodies react differently. Think before you speak and make sure you're mindful of what others may be experiencing. Sharing pregnancy stories is fun, but telling others how to live their lives based on yours is wrong.
Before you judge how other people are feeling, remember that no one truly knows what others feel or experience unless they're that person. The next time you're talking to someone about anything that is serious to them, remember that even if you've been "there", you truly haven't. Once you realize that, it will be much easier to get along with people.
Listen, but don't judge. Empathize, but don't assume. Share, but don't ridicule. Learn, but don't apply the material to all others with the same situation or label. We're all different but we can all help each other grow by being more understanding.
Creepy Sh** People Do To Me On Facebook
by Lyn Lomasi, Write W.A.V.E. Media Staff
Have you ever logged on to check your Facebook and wondered "WTF is this ish?" People get bolder every day it seems. Here's just some of the creepy shit people actually do to me on Facebook.
Randomly Call Me on Facebook Messenger
If we never (or rarely) communicate or you just added me as a friend, what makes you think you should dial my phone from Facebook Messenger? That’s complete creeper status! Who does that? Apparently, more people than I’m comfortable with because it’s happened to me on numerous occasions. Every time, all it gets from me is an ignore on the call and then a block on FB promptly after.
For the record, the one and only person I’ve had phone conversations on Facebook Messenger with is my fiance -- and the first call we had on there was well after the first day we met. Try, WAY after. You know, we actually knew each other and were dating. Don’t call strangers or people who are barely acquaintances with the Messenger app. Just don’t. It’s creepy.
Hit the Ask Button for Info That's Not Filled In
If I haven’t filled something in on my profile, then I don’t want to give that info out online. If you’re a good enough friend to have that info, chances are I’ll tell you eventually, if I haven’t already. If I haven’t, then please don’t ask. That’s especially true if we rarely or never communicate or you just added me as a friend. Hitting that ask button is just plain creepy. Just don’t do it.
Message Me Flirtatiously When Partner is in My Profile Pic
This one should really be common sense, but apparently, it’s not. My profile pic has contained my significant other ever since we first took a pic together. It changes, but he’s always in it with me and you can tell we’re a couple. My profile also says we’re engaged and he’s always tagged in my profile photos. Yet and still, creepers will send me flirtatious or suggestive messages. Why? First of all, those kind of messages wouldn’t get me even if I was single and second of all, why would anyone want someone who would come on to a very obviously taken person? Thirdly, it’s creepy to flirt with someone in that way before you get to know them.
Come on to Me The Instant Your Friend Request Is Accepted
Obviously, these are sometimes scammers. However, they can also be people who actually think they will get somewhere with this tactic. Facebook is not your dating service. Even if it was, that is the wrong way to go about it. Coming on strongly to people as soon as you first see them online is creepy. My acceptance of your friend request is not an invitation to be creepy or stalkerish toward me. Do not send me messages or leave suggestive comments when you hardly know me. Especially don’t do it repeatedly when I don’t respond the way you expected. The stalkerish Facebook behavior leads me to the next point.
Like Every Single Photo Of Me or My Kids When You Barely Know Us
If you’ve already done any of the above things, your creeper status isn’t looking so good. Add this to the mix and you’re really a creeper -- and maybe a stalker too. Please don’t like every single photo I post of myself or my kids or tell me how beautiful I am on every photo unless you know me well. It’s just awkward and creepy and eww. It’s a million times more icky if you mostly or only like pics of my kids or if you like every single picture of them and we don’t know you that well. Unfortunately, this has happened before and it doesn’t bode well for anyone who does it. Liking a few photos is fine. Kids are adorable. I should know. I'm a mom. But obsessing over photos of kids you don't even know is just creepy.
These are far from the only creepy things people have done to me on Facebook. But this shit is most definitely creepy.
What creepy things have people done to you on Facebook?
P.S. If you’re reading this and you’re still on my friend list, you must not be a creeper in my eyes. The behavior I’m talking about here is beyond just normal photo liking, messaging, and other Facebook interacting. Way beyond. You do not even want to know. Trust me.
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