This is huge. At least for me. And that's the point.

I have a lot of unpublished blog posts in my queue. You see, when I write, I straight up bleed through the keyboard. Sometimes I bleed too heavily. Maybe I get overly preachy, passionate or angry. When that happens, I put things aside to tone them down. You know, make them more “readable” and less raw me. Today I realized what a huge mistake that is.

Here's why.

I've been editing out the parts of me I don't particularly like. Oh sure, a lot of that comes shining through. However, when I do those edits, my readers aren't getting all of me. And that's a damn shame because the real me has a lot to offer the world.

Ya, I know. I like myself. A lot. I mean, what's not to like? I've got faults for sure. Lots of them. But overall, I'm a well intended, intuitive, intelligent person. I'm OK with me. I'm just not sure everyone else is. Which is why I have been editing the “bad” parts out. I haven't been including my whole self.

You see, I've been an overly sensitive, caretaker type my whole life. Problem is that over the years, I've gotten so deep into it that I've forgotten to take care of, accept and embrace myself. So much so that now, even my writing is more about pleasing others and less about how I really feel about things.

While I've been steadily working on and admitting to my faults in real life, I've left them out of my writing for fear of being accepted by the masses.

This is the part where my readers might laugh because they think they have gotten to know me and my crazy care-giving, empathetic, yet somewhat narcissist self quite well. But, oh my, you don't know the half of it, you guys. That's not fair is it? You're getting the watered down version of my essence. So, from now on, I'm not filtering the rawness out of my writing or my life.

So ya, I'm going to sound preachy and/or genuinely insane at times now because I am. I won't hold back my dry sense of humor. Few people understand it. Most misinterpret it. That's their issue, not mine. I won't edit out my brutally honest sarcasm or even my intermittent bouts of insanity. My grammar, sentence structure, and choice of wording? Definitely not always professional. I may switch from first to third to second person in the same post. That's how I speak. Why write differently?

Everything I am will be coming out. No holds barred. The feelings of the unfeeling will not be spared. I deserve to be me. You deserve all of me. Brace yourselves. It won't be pretty sometimes but it will be real. If you don't like parts of me, remember, it's OK. You don't have to. Some of me isn't likeable. Some of you isn't likeable either. We're all human. We work on it. We move on. We do better. Or not.

Keep in mind that the things you don't like about me may be the things I love best about me. I won't be changing those to please you. That's huge. At least for me. I always strive to be kind to everyone. I'm simply including myself for a change.

Some of you have been catering to yourselves all your lives. Or maybe you've found that perfect balance already. You may not understand how big this is for me. I'm happy for you. Really, I am. You go! But it's all new to me. This change is not about you. It's my moment, not yours. It's my life, not yours. It's my blog, not yours. It's huge for me to even think those things, let alone write them down! Oh boy.

Get ready, because ready or not, here I come. Yup.