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by Lyn Lomasi, Write W.A.V.E. Media Staff  "But Jenny's mom lets her do that." The problem? Jenny is 16 and your daughter is only 11. What happens when tweens think they are equivalent to teens? It's very common since kids between 8-12 years of age are able to do many things on their own. Because they can physically act upon things and make choices, many tweens tend to think this means they should be allowed. The problem with this is that there are certain things they simply should not be doing until they are older.
Older siblings can play a role both directly and indirectly. Observing an older sister or brother with more privileges may seem unfair to your tween. Be sure your older kids aren't teasing about their extra privileges. It's also important to make it clear that there are certain age requirements, depending on each new venture in life. If you have more than one child, you need to be consistent with the age a child must be before being allowed to do certain things, such as dating, babysitting, and handling other responsibilities. Kids with younger siblings may mature quickly. Tweens will naturally look up to their teen siblings. Most kids want to be just like their big sister or big brother. This is a healthy phenomenon and can help kids learn important life lessons. But it can also backfire at times. Sometimes kids want to be entirely too much like their older siblings and mature faster than we'd like them to. To prevent this from happening, I try to make sure each of my kids has their own separate interests they pursue. Sometimes the distraction of their own unique activities can deter thoughts of participating in things meant for the older kids. Peer pressure may be to blame. Not all parents agree on what is and isn't appropriate at various ages and stages. When tweens see their friends doing things they cannot do, they suddenly want to do them even more. Peer pressure is often a steady battle throughout the tween and teenage years. To help combat it as much as possible, parents can teach their tweens the value of self-worth and how important it is to remain true to oneself. Teaching tweens to make smart choices based on analysis, rather than quick-thinking and pressure to be like everyone else, is important. Observing child stars may give off mixed messages. Watching the way stars behave on television, in movies, and even in real life can give kids a clouded perception of what life should be like. Naturally, they will want to have and do the things they see in these kids. As a parent, it's important to let kids know the difference between reality and film. It's also important they know the difference between a star's life and an everyday person's life. Let them know that the fraction of star's lives we see is not always a good indicator of how they actually live. Some things could be skewed for ratings, photos can be airbrushed, and we don't see how they live behind closed doors. Kids need to know that behind all the glamor, stars are just people, like you and me. Your tween likely looks up to you. Just as your tween may look up to older siblings and friends, he also may look up to you. Obviously, your tween cannot do everything that you do. However, that may not stop her from wanting to. You can allow your tween to participate in certain things with you and let him know why he cannot do the others. For instance, let him wear your clothes if they fit. Take him to work on "Take Your Kids to Work Day". Have Mom and Daughter or Dad and Son days. At the same time, encourage your tween to be himself as well. *I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network
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by Lyn Lomasi, Staff Writer  When your toddler experiences bed-wetting, the best thing you can do is positively reinforce the dry nights. Your child is likely frustrated and embarrassed by bed-wetting. Therefore, some focus on the positive aspects will help keep his or her self-esteem up. This advice is meant for toddlers no longer in diapers during the day.
Buy new bedding. This may seem an odd method or even counter-intuitive, but as your toddler starts to have more dry nights, you can reward him or her with all new bedding, from the sheets to the comforter. Let your toddler choose what he or she likes. Be sure that your child knows he or she is getting the new bedding for staying dry all night. This form of positive reinforcement is most effective during the last stages, when bed-wetting has slowed considerably. Give special rewards for waking up dry. While bed-wetting is not the child's fault, it is still beneficial to offer rewards for dry nights. These should be something simple, like a sticker or a new coloring book. When dry nights start to occur more frequently, the reward-giving can slow down some. That way, your toddler does not come to expect a gift every morning. But a nice surprise every now and then is still a great positive reinforcement. Show affection and encouragement. When your toddler has dry nights, give your child a hug and let him or her know how proud you are. A parent's approval is everything to a small child. Just this simple action alone can do wonders for your toddler's self-esteem. It may not completely solve the problem, but knowing that someone notices the positive aspects helps a child overcome bed-wetting and any negative emotions it might cause.. Don't focus on the negative. Offer a temporary solution for bed-wetting. Diapers are one option. But again, that could be embarrassing for your toddler. Protective underpants, such as Pampers UnderJams, can help solve that issue. Once you have found your temporary solution, bed-wetting won't seem like such a big deal to your toddler, and you will not focus as much on the fact that the child is experiencing bed-wetting. Instead, offer praise for dry nights. Focusing on the negative aspects, such as soiled clothing and sheets, can only compound the situation. *I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network by Lyn Lomasi, Staff Writer  With all the varying theories, methods, and studies out there, parents are often confused as to what's right. What makes a good parent? How can you tell if you're doing things right? Is there even a right way? Before I became a parent, I had all these theories about what other parents were doing wrong. I may have been right some of the time. But the truth is, you never truly know what works and what doesn't until you're a parent yourself. So how do you tell if you're a good parent?
Act with love. Whether you are hugging your child for his latest accomplishment or reprimanding him for misbehavior, do it with love. You are more likely to see a better outcome from simply giving your child the love she needs. A good parent leaves any anger aside when doling out punishments. Allowing that anger to come into discipline leaves the door wide open for negative results you will regret later. Apologize for mistakes. We're all human and we all mess up sometimes. I can guarantee you there is not one parent out there who does every single thing perfect from the start. Being perfect is not a requirement for being a good mom or dad the last time I checked. Bending the rules slightly to fit each situation has been a lifesaver for me. Let your kids know you're sorry when you disappoint them. Fill them in on why you made that choice initially, how it was wrong, and what you intend to do the next time around. That earns more respect than trying to put on a "perfect" facade. Multiple methods can solve the same issue. Remember that just because "A" worked for Sally, doesn't mean "B" won't for you and "C" won't work for Sam. There are many different methods and techniques out there when it comes to parenting. Take a look at the methods used in your child's school or daycare as compared to yours. Also look at divorced parents who both have responsibilities toward the child. What happens in each location may not always be the same. But more than one parenting style may work on the same child. A specific method does not define whether or not you are a good parent. Do your best. When you truly give your all, that shows your kids you care. This will be more important than the car you drive, the schooling methods you choose, how many new outfits you buy, and so on. No matter which parenting style you operate under, put forth your best effort. You may not think your kids pay attention to that kind of thing, but they can sense what type of work you are putting into the family. Trust your instincts. When in doubt, always go with your gut. What does that inner voice say to you about your actions? If you feel something is wrong, avoid it at all costs. When you believe strongly in something, speak your mind and take action. Parental instinct is often more accurate than you think. Don't doubt yourself. Just sit back and listen to those gut feelings. What you feel in some of the moments can be a good indicator of your parental rating. Ignore naysayers. Since raising kids is near and dear to the hearts of many people, you are likely to be talked about no matter what you do. Being a good parent is not always about going with the popular choice. Unless the offending party has a valid point about your skills, ignore rants from other people about you not being a good parent. Every person knows the answer to this deep down in their hearts. What is your heart (and just plain common sense) telling you? Are you a good parent? *I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network by Lyn Lomasi, Staff Writer  No one is a perfect parent, not even me, as a parenting expert. There is no such thing as perfection when it comes to raising kids. However, there are certain parenting mishaps we just shouldn't do or let our toddlers see. As a veteran parent and former nanny, I've had plenty of experience with toddlers who hit. It's not always something the parent is doing. But there are at least 5 parenting no-nos that could teach toddlers to use violence to get their way. Are you unintentionally participating in these parenting no-nos that may encourage hitting in toddlers?
Fighting in front of toddlers is a big parenting no-no. Arguing in front of your toddler can cause him stress, frustration, anger, and other issues. When this fighting is physical, it is even worse. Domestic violence is never appropriate. But it's especially inappropriate in front of a toddler. By hitting each other in front of watchful little eyes, you are encouraging hitting in your toddler. Counseling, separation, or even jail time for the offending party may be the best option for a couple that takes this route. Seek authorities and a professional's guidance right away if there is any physical violence in your home. Being physical in anger can encourage hitting, even if you are not directly hitting anyone. Slamming items down, throwing things, or hitting things when frustrated teaches your toddler to be physical when upset. While you may not be hitting a person, you are still acting out your anger in a negative physical manner. Parenting behaviors like this encourage hitting in toddlers. If you feel like you need to do something physical to express the anger, try jogging, yoga, playing basketball, or another form of exercise. Treating animals poorly can encourage hitting in toddlers. As the parent, you are supposed to be a positive example. Animals are living beings, just like you and I. Mistreating animals not only teaches your toddler to do the same. But it also teaches him to use violence when annoyed with something. Children, especially toddlers, follow the lead of their parents. They learn by observance. Even when you think they are not watching, they are. If you can't have a pet in your home without hitting and other negative treatment, please find a new, more loving, home for the animal. This will be good for your toddler, as well as the pet Laughing at violence is never good. Certain television programs and movies may make a mockery of violent acts. While older children may possibly understand the difference between movies and real life, a toddler may not. The same is true for video games that encourage hitting and other violence as a way to get ahead in the game. Then, of course there is reality. Never, ever laugh about violent acts in your toddler's presence. While it may not be intentional, by doing this, you are encouraging hitting and other forms of violence. In a toddler's eyes, laughing may mean that the violence is OK. Spanking can also encourage hitting. Yes, I know I am going to upset some people by saying this. I respect that not everyone has the same disciplinary methods. But in my experience, toddlers whose parents used spanking for discipline hit far more than those whose parents used other methods. If you think about it for a moment, it makes sense. Spanking is the act of hitting someone for an undesired behavior. In a toddler's eyes, this may send the message that when they don't like a behavior in another person, they should hit that person. There are more positive forms of discipline than spanking that still teach your toddler effectively. *I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network by Lyn Lomasi, Staff Writer  Image (c) Lyn Lomasi; All Rights Reserved Does your child see the world as a canvas, appreciating the beauty in the smallest of things? If not, don't worry. You can still find and encourage this in your kids at any age. I was raised by a creative mom and I also teach my own kids my creative habits on a daily basis. So I know firsthand from those experiences, that these methods can work extremely well. Raising kids who embrace creativity is an ongoing, but enjoyable effort. Keep art supplies around. This is an absolute must if you expect the children to naturally develop and embrace their creativity. Be sure to have plenty of different mediums and supplies for them to experiment with. Paint supplies, drawing supplies, clay, coloring books with crayons, colored pencils, and markers are just a few suggestions. Remember that craft supply stores generally have nice art supplies as well.
Point out the beauty of nature. In addition to encouraging kids to make and illustrate things, point out the beauty that nature itself holds. If you look close enough, nature is its own art canvas. The birds singing in the trees and the rabbits and prairie dogs peeking out of the earth offer an amazing scene. Kids can embrace the creativity of nature by snapping photos. Start with offering them a simple low-cost digital camera and as the kids progress, you can go more high-tech.
Find art in commonplace things. Take a look around you at the way all things look, not just in nature. Take the kids on artistic adventures around the house and places like the grocery store. Look at the way your table is set. Find art in the way yourself, the kids, and others dress and point it out. Observe together the way items are arranged in your favorite stores. This can be especially fun at craft and hobby stores, who often arrange their displays very artistically. Museums are also a great place to observe art, of course. Let them see you expressing creativity. This is perhaps one of the most important ways you can teach kids to embrace their creativity. Kids usually do what they see being done. If you have an obviously creative eye, they will naturally model after you. As often as you can, point out when you are being creative and artistic. For instance, when you are decorating the house, explain the creative aspects, as well as the mathematical and scientific ones. Let them see you draw, sing, write, paint, craft, or whatever you like to do that is creative. For me, it is all of the above and more. Raising kids who embrace creativity is about more than a few lessons. It is an ongoing learning experience that should be treasured by the parents and kids equally. It's not about just one or two things. It's about embracing the beauty in all things, both natural and crafted by humans. It's also about letting your mind and the minds of your kids run free to see, imagine, and create all the time. When you let the imaginations of the kids control what they see and do, you (and they) will be amazed at what they can create. *I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network |
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Lyn Lomasi is founder and owner of the Brand Shamans network. She is your brand healing, soul healing, marketing & content superhero to the rescue! Running a network of websites, tackling deadlines single-handedly, and coaching fellow writers, brands, & entrepreneurs to be thought leaders is her top priority.
While rescuing civilians from boring content and brands, this awesomely crazy family conquers the world, managing Intent-sive Nature while going on Upstream Parenting adventures & lessons, sometimes in an RV. They strive to cuddle with lions and giraffes. Until then, they settle for rescue dogs and cats. By supporting us, you support a single parent, healer, and minority small business that donates to and/or stands for several causes, including homeless pets, homeless people, trans youth, equality, helping starving artists, and more! A portion of all proceeds from our all-inclusive store, Intent-sive Nature goes toward worthy causes. For guidance in the world of freelance writing or for advice on her specialty topics, Ask Lyn. Archives
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