No, I have much better things I could be doing. Since I can make money in other ways relatively equal to what I would be paid for so-called "gainful employment" I decided to go live my life and fail spectacularly at chasing my dreams. But without further ado, having given the proper reflection to my failures and various shortcomings as a human being... this is why I am focusing on living "inside out."
By "Inside Out," I'm not referring to the adorable film in which colorful personalities personify various emotions. While it is an extremely creative and fun feature film, I'm not talking about the Disney flick. I mean that you have to truly be the person that you are on the inside and make it very clear on the outside. I don't mean looks. We can't all be drop-dead gorgeous... never mind, we can! I'm talking about putting your heart on your sleeve and going to town with the wackiest notions that you could ever imagine. You can't just sit still and be like, OK I'll go live my dreams when I retire. Retire from what, exactly? If you're still breathing and can move around, you can never truly retire. You can retire from the world's nonsense, I suppose.
Lately I've been debating who I really am. I've been using a different name under the various Gaming content that I've penned, and I've decided to use it on a regular basis. As much as I love the name "Amelia Grace Lockhart" it's actually a bit too common for my tastes. No, I needed something that was more reflective of who I am as a person today. When I was fudging around with various name generators in search of a new pen name awhile back, I came across a gem: Phoenix Desertsong. Well, considering the ashes from which I'm putting my life back together, I better rise like a Phoenix!
The Desertsong part sounds cool, but I like to think it's pretty descriptive of me, too. For much of my life, I was in a desert, often writing lyrics bred from loneliness and despair and all that lovely sad nonsense. Actually, it was truly awful and depressing. I can't say how blessed I am that I'm no longer in that way.
Yes, today I am far from lonely. I have an amazing partner and family that I am working to get back on the road and resuming our awesome random adventures! I'm not going to go into all the details, but suffice it to say that I need to scrape together quite a sum to put things back in working order again! It's been extremely discouraging these past few months, but I have the motivation to keep going! I just have to put my mind in the right place.
So going forward I am going by Phoenix Desertsong. But you can still call me Ami. I'm just not holding anything back at all anymore. People kept knocking me down saying that I was being foolish and unrealistic. But my friends, let me tell you, you make your own reality. NEVER let anyone else make it for you. Once you truly comprehend what it means to make your own reality, you'll never look back.
And you'll know what I mean by living "inside out." Open up and let go of all your fears and regrets. No I don't mean join a cult. It's easier said than done, but just pull yourself together and pursue what everyone else says is impossible. Chances are, it probably isn't.