So why have I never written a book? I've certainly written more than enough words to be a published author, but the interesting thing is that the reason I haven't written lately is much the same reason I've never been able to fully commit to a book project. I end up with missing pages. I don't know how to fill in the gaps. It's why I prefer essays to drawn-out publications. More than a couple of times I planned to give up on writing a "proper" book and focusing only on essays, which for a time has happened. But the allure of publishing a book, self-published or otherwise, is apparently too great for me to ignore. But, of course, how to fill those missing pages to make it something that would be coherent enough to not just be little more than a collection of essays, most or all of which would probably be available online regardless.
Why haven't I published my poetry, then? I easily could. I just prefer to put it out there for free, for now. I'm missing a lot of poems, too. I have so many I still need to share and the collection would never be complete for me. I think that's a big part of it. There are always missing pages, whether or not you realize it at the time. Of course, you can always publish future editions. But I believe this is why I love online publishing so much. You can always change things, not worry about having to republish and spend money on redistribution. Obviously, e-books solve a lot of the problem, which is why traditional publishing may not necessarily ever be a realistic option for me - simply because I'll probably never be happy with the product.
What I must say is that my lack of writing recently is not due to lack of time. In fact, it really never is. It's more I don't know what should be written, how it should be written, or if there is even a purpose. I keep telling myself to just write it down and deal with it later, just like I used to. But I keep getting out of that habit. Many of us writers get out of that habit. I need to make sure I just keep making my notes to limit missing pages in the future. So much has been happening lately; but I don't necessarily believe I've given the events of the past couple of weeks enough time to settle in my memory to the point where proper reflection can be had.
So there will be missing pages. It's just going to always be true. A writer's work is never finished. There's always one more question to answer, one more thing to detail, and one more thing that eludes the tongue that just has to be said.