Of course, this whole cancer saga isn't over. Even if I were to have the resection surgery that was suggested, even after tearing open my chest to remove the largest chunk possible, it wouldn't be over. It's been hard enough getting back on my feet and some days the energy simply isn't there. Some days it's a struggle just to make a quick trip to the local Walmart. But I do it to prove to myself that the only way to make a full recovery is to push my limits.
People have said I've made an incredible recovery. Of course I've had an amazing medical team, an always supportive family, and a few close friends pitching in whatever ways that they can. But it all comes down to the miraculous answer to prayer that is my partner Lyn. She gives me a reason to get up and care every morning even when my body simply doesn't want to go. I know that my strength through this struggle inspires her too and I hope that people continue to take away positives from what has been hell for me.
Through it all though I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. It is actually possible to be happy amidst misery. I've learned that from this experience. And I'm well aware that this may not truly be the end to this cancer saga. The close observation will continue to be a reminder of how fragile life truly is. If anything I want to make more of each day more than ever and I still feel now that my recovery is about 80 percent complete that I can do so much more.
But as Lyn constantly reminds me all I need to do is love. I just need to give what I can when it's needed but not try simply for the sake of trying. Something Lyn and I both have in common is the need to constantly be doing something, preferably something that helps another. I really need to get back to writing on a regular basis, but find a way to maintain my energy level and focus my energies more efficiently.
The only goal I have right now is the one I've had for years, be out on my own. It won't happen by my 28th birthday but it shouldn't be far off. My mission right now is to find some consistency. Once that is had everything else should fall together.
Observation mode now commences. We shall see.