Is it Attention Deficit Disorder, or what? Well, in our society which is so ADD-prone, I’m not sure that I can really answer that. It’s more of a mentality than a mental disorder in my opinion. Besides, it has never been the case that I am not able to focus. It is just that oftentimes I come to think about things which are far more interesting than what I was currently doing. So there! That’s just how it is. Such moments of inspiration, however, do not come when I wish them to. They simply just happen. That is, just like these random attractions for random people. I sense something that no one else does, and then try to understand it, only to confuse the hell out of myself. So it goes.
So how do I attain this focus? I need a singular object on which to focus my flagrant emotions. I only know of one method to accomplish that, and that method is finding someone to act as a counter-balance for my more unmanageable side, the passionate side, the side of myself I wish I could simply leave behind. It is this passion, however, which gives me my power of expression. Without it, I am nothing more than an average Joe, an average person, in a mediocre world, someone who has no idea what to do with himself, and someone very lonely. People may surround me, but I have almost always been truly alone. Being unique can truly suck. If I can get that focus, however, it will be most wonderful, and that passionate side can truly shine through.
It has only several times, and led me to some very painful episodes. Glimpses of the genius within have at times appeared in some my academic works. The rest of the time, it was only seen through the words which I write and type for mine own eyes to see for many, many years. But now it is time that these words are set free for the world to see. For they are my words, and they are what I have to give the world. Make of them what you will, because most of the time, I don’t even know what I’m going to say next!
Originally written November 28, 2005 (Revised 12-7-2014)