Writing web articles is often like the “wham bam, thank you Ma’am” of writing. I mean, think about it. The process itself may not always be quick because like the great Nathaniel Hawthorne said, “easy reading is damn hard writing.” But the part where we involve readers can be like a booty call in many ways. What?! Yeah, I said it.
Let me explain. Recently, a good friend mentioned being insecure about how many people shared her stuff and wondered if it meant they all hated it and were discussing how shitty of a writer she was. I told her that most likely it was a good indication, rather than a bad one but if it wasn’t who cares? Fuck ‘em. You get the page views either way.
And I got to thinking. Yeah, that’s what this career comes down to at times. I mean, sure there are awesomely happy and soul-gratifying moments too. Those times where something you wrote makes a difference in someone else’s life that makes it all worthwhile. But I’m not talking about those today. Web writers, though the work is quality (at least with good ones), can be in a way “wham bam, thank you ma’am” experts. We screw our readers but we don’t let them screw with us. Huh?
That’s right. We screw them up with the truth in our work (when it’s non-fiction anyway). Then, if they absolutely hate it, they’re still fucked but we still receive the credit for them reading it anyway. I know, some of you may be thinking “Shhh don’t tell them our secret.” But it’s all good. They’ll never be able to get around it.
You see, we have the best system ever. I mean, ever. You wanna know why? Once they’ve already accessed the piece, no matter how much they hate the truth we spoke or how much they might even hate us (yeah, us web journalists seem to attract haters like fruit flies on honey), they can never take back that page view they already gave us.
And if they’re listening to me right now, you know they’re sitting there just hating every second of it. Probably grinding their rotten teeth as their troll fingers try to click quickly away. But it doesn’t work that way. They can’t take back the fact that I said it or that they already witnessed me saying it.
Sorry Honey, but your browser already landed on this page – the helipad at the player’s mansion. And now you want to leave a comment, don’t you? I know you want to speak your mind. Go ahead. I might get paid for that too. That’s right, bitch. I just fucked you good. I spoke the truth and you already heard it and now you’ve just ensured that I got paid to do so. How fucked is that?
Wham, bam, thank you Ma’am! I’m out!
Let me explain. Recently, a good friend mentioned being insecure about how many people shared her stuff and wondered if it meant they all hated it and were discussing how shitty of a writer she was. I told her that most likely it was a good indication, rather than a bad one but if it wasn’t who cares? Fuck ‘em. You get the page views either way.
And I got to thinking. Yeah, that’s what this career comes down to at times. I mean, sure there are awesomely happy and soul-gratifying moments too. Those times where something you wrote makes a difference in someone else’s life that makes it all worthwhile. But I’m not talking about those today. Web writers, though the work is quality (at least with good ones), can be in a way “wham bam, thank you ma’am” experts. We screw our readers but we don’t let them screw with us. Huh?
That’s right. We screw them up with the truth in our work (when it’s non-fiction anyway). Then, if they absolutely hate it, they’re still fucked but we still receive the credit for them reading it anyway. I know, some of you may be thinking “Shhh don’t tell them our secret.” But it’s all good. They’ll never be able to get around it.
You see, we have the best system ever. I mean, ever. You wanna know why? Once they’ve already accessed the piece, no matter how much they hate the truth we spoke or how much they might even hate us (yeah, us web journalists seem to attract haters like fruit flies on honey), they can never take back that page view they already gave us.
And if they’re listening to me right now, you know they’re sitting there just hating every second of it. Probably grinding their rotten teeth as their troll fingers try to click quickly away. But it doesn’t work that way. They can’t take back the fact that I said it or that they already witnessed me saying it.
Sorry Honey, but your browser already landed on this page – the helipad at the player’s mansion. And now you want to leave a comment, don’t you? I know you want to speak your mind. Go ahead. I might get paid for that too. That’s right, bitch. I just fucked you good. I spoke the truth and you already heard it and now you’ve just ensured that I got paid to do so. How fucked is that?
Wham, bam, thank you Ma’am! I’m out!
RSS Feed
