by Phoenix A. Desertsong, Staff Writer, Healer & Advocate
What is my secret? How did I attract a beautiful partner? What is it about me that makes it so I just sit there and I'm somehow desirable? Why didn't I realize before what I needed out of a relationship? Where can we end up going together? When will I stop asking so many questions?
You know, it's fine to ask questions. Some may seem too personal to ask on a first date. Hey, I never really tried dating. Actually, I've never dated at all, not in the traditional sense. I've hung out with some persons of interest before. These encounters were interesting. Hardly any of them went anywhere soon afterwards.
You can get a sense fairly quickly if there's no future in a relationship. At least, that's what I've come to believe. In my teenage years, though, I was pretty delusional. Weren't most of us? Very few of us knew what we wanted in a partner. Our teenage years mostly teach us what we don't want. That's actually probably more important at that point.
Hormones do some funny things. This isn't to say those I found attractive in my younger years really weren't. They were, at least physically. Just not in the way that matters. The only thing that matters is personality. And yet somewhere along the line you end up convinced that you have a type. Let me tell you: there isn't really a type. You just happen to meet someone and it works. No matter your differences, you just make it work.
The secret? Just do your thing. Get that picture of the perfect soul mate out of your head. But don't settle. It's OK to be shy. The right one will be interested. Just don't miss your chance. I followed this line of thinking. It worked for me.
by Vivienne Diane Neal, OneWorld SinglesBlog.net
Yet, many will continue to ignore the ‘in your face’ warnings. Eventually, a spouse will have to face reality and ask, “Is there infidelity going on in our marriage?” Although unfaithfulness occurs on both sides, we are focusing mainly on cheating husbands who have used some of the most dumbfounded excuses to mask their betrayal:
Have you heard of an unbelievable explanation given by a cheating spouse, when caught in a compromising position? If so, we would like to hear from you. Your name or email will never be published. Only your initials, city or country where you reside will be posted. Send details to firstname.lastname@example.org - Sometime in the in the near future, we will post the results. All information submitted will become the exclusive property of HMCS and may be published in any media without any compensation to the person sharing the details.
About the Author
Born in 1946, Vivienne Diane Neal is a writer, blogger, and an author. She is a storyteller with a wicked sense of humor, has been writing articles for over thirty years and started penning fictional short stories in 2007. Vivienne gets her story and article ideas from observing people, places, and things and watching true TV court cases and talk shows.
Vivienne has been featured on SingleEdition, Black Love is Beautiful, A Book Inside, Susan Whitfield’s Blog, Cluculzwriter, Have Stress Relief Now, 1st Author Interviews, IMRR Bookclub Newsletter Fall 2011, Writers Get Together, Mary M. Forbes Blog, Romance Review Ramble, AuthorMePro, The Writer’s Voice, Polygirl Publishing, Singles Warehouse, and Writers Get Together and was a contributing writer to NINA Magazine and Honey Magazine.
Now, semi-retired, she continues to write articles on love, romance, relationships, and other topics of interest on her Blog at http://www.oneworldsinglesblog.net
by Tara Bard, Contributing Writer
In a tough economy or at the start of a career, more than a few of us dislike our jobs. Many in the workforce suffer from annoying bosses, impossible deadlines and compensation not quite commensurate with experience. Are you dating or married to someone who deals with these daily pressures? If so, you understand how it can have a negative affect on his mood - and your relationship. Here are five ways to help your partner if he's having issues with his job.
Break the Routine
Repetition is one of the most annoying things about a difficult job. Who likes doing the exact same thing every day? In particular, 9-to-5 jobs require a rigid routine. To help your partner cope with the monotony, consider breaking the routine. Even the smallest mid-week surprises can encourage him to stick out the work week.
Respect His Need for Alone Time
When my husband comes home from work, he's usually stressed out. He needs about an hour to unwind - sometimes he'll play a video game, watch TV or take a shower. After that, he's ready to converse about the day, walk the dogs or share a meal.
If you're like me, you want to catch up on your day the moment your partner walks in the door. As a writer, my job is pretty solitary, so I'm eager to socialize when I get the chance. My husband's job is the opposite - he deals with cranky customers during the day, so sometimes he needs a bit of time to himself at the end of his work day.
Be a Good Listener
Having support at home is crucial for anyone who hates his job, especially since it may not be appropriate for your partner to share his gripes about bosses, coworkers or customers at work. Sometimes, it will help your partner just to air his grievances without someone judging him or without the fear of getting in trouble.
Listen for a few minutes without talking. Since I've become a better listener, I have noticed that my husband responds by doing the same. Two-way communication is always a benefit to your marriage.
It's one thing to listen, but it's another thing to communicate your understanding of your partner's topic. If I don't understand my husband's concerns about work (or the processes and procedures at his job), I ask him. When I understand why he's upset, I let him know. This goes a long way in letting him know his concerns have been heard, which is especially important when he needs to think about something before articulating it to his boss.
Think of a Way to Make Things Easier
Suggestions for improvement or positive change can help your partner feel less stuck - whether he feels stuck in his job or in a routine. With a removed perspective, you can gently suggest areas of improvement that will make the job more bearable.
Ultimately, if your partner is continually unhappy in his job, it may be time to suggest he find alternate employment. If he decides to do this, the job application task will require a great deal of emotional support as well.
Through all of this, don't neglect yourself or forget to take care of your own needs, either. Each of you must remain forward-thinking if the relationship is to work along with your careers.
by Tara Bard, Contributing Writer
Unless you've chosen specifically to date someone within your religion or set of beliefs, eventually religion becomes a topic of discussion. If it's important to you or your partner, the religion topic will come up well before the relationship is significantly developed. Even if you know your partner's religious affiliation, you may find yourself unaware of how important religion is to him or whether it's something he'd change.
As one of the many 'spiritual but not religious' out there, I found this aspect of dating particularly fascinating. Understanding my own beliefs and expressing them respectfully was especially helpful along with these tips.
Know Yourself and Your Priorities
How important is religion to your personal identity? There is no right or wrong answer, just a matter of preference. My whole spiritual concept kind of follows a 'live and let live' philosophy, so I am open to interacting with people of all types as long as they don't force their beliefs on me. This also applied when I was single and dating. When dating, I thought a lot about my own limits. What beliefs made me feel comfortable or uncomfortable and why? It's important to be honest with yourself when it comes to these questions - that way you can give your date an honest answer. Before the religion conversation, ask yourself:
Discuss Morals and Values
If you're not sure about your date's comfort level regarding the topic of religion, try approaching the topic from the more general perspective of morals or values. Because I am not a part of a specific sect or religion and because I have pagan leanings, I found myself answering a laundry list of questions from dates. Most of these were just general moral questions rather than curiosities about scripture or doctrine, and I was very comfortable with this.
For many, having compatible values is far more important than sharing a religious doctrine with a partner.
That said, controversial topics such as abortion and same-sex marriage could come up when discussing morals, regardless of whether you are discussing religion. Be prepared to discuss this in a tactful and respectful fashion to avoid a major disagreement.
Understand Your Own Feelings on Children and Religion
If you want to have children (or already have them), define your own feelings on children and religion. You should ask yourself the following questions:
Ending or Pursuing a Relationship
After the discussion, you and your partner may need to determine whether to continue or end your relationship. If your beliefs are fundamentally opposing, it may not be possible to pursue the relationship. However, if you disagree on only a few points, it's likely that you can respect each other, compromise, and work around any issues.
When my husband and I were dating, we found that we shared most moral beliefs and family values, even though our religious affiliations differed. This factored into our decision to continue our relationship.
by Tara Bard, Contributing Writer
When it comes time to announce your divorce, you probably know what to generally expect from others. If people were aware of your difficulties, then the news might not come as a surprise. Either way, you'll still have to field questions from them, whether in person, over the phone, or semi-publicly on social media sites like Facebook. This really adds to the stress of a divorce. When I announced my divorce from my ex, I noticed people kept asking the same questions.
"What are you going to do with your wedding gifts?"
While this might seem like a rude question for someone to ask, it's a pretty common one. Guests care about you, and those who consider themselves 'on your side' invested time and money into coming to your wedding and picking out a gift. If your divorce happens within years of your wedding, they want to make sure that you get to keep the gift.
When I left my ex-husband, I kept all of the gifts that my family gave me, in addition to the gifts that friends gave me if they were my coworkers, much closer to me, or friends with me long before I met my ex. Similarly, he kept the items given to him by his family and long-time friends. I made sure to mention this and I told my close friends and relatives about it so they could help field this question.
"Who gets custody of the children and pets?"
Most people are immediately concerned about the well-being of your children and pets - as they should be. If a friend is concerned about you, he or she also wants to ensure that you have the right to see your children or pets as frequently as possible, making this a common question.
I did not have any children or pets with my ex, so I didn't have to worry about this when I got divorced. However, this is something I would have discussed with him prior to formally announcing our divorce. It's best for the kids to know what's going on before you start answering questions for other people, and if the matter is up for legal debate, you need to be honest about that.
"Where are you going to live?"
When divorce happens, most couples no longer wish to share a residence with one another. Friends want to stay in touch and they're also worried about you, which leads to this question. If you're not sure about where you'll be staying, it can also help to let a friend or family member know, as he or she may offer you a place to stay temporarily.
When I announced my divorce, I had already looked at my options. I chose to live with my mother and stepfather for a while and was able to easily answer this question.
"Why are you getting a divorce?"
This is one of the more complicated questions you can receive in many instances. Regardless of what happened, you're still sorting through a lot of feelings when you announce the divorce. It's natural to feel guilt, shame, and confusion - not to mention a healthy amount of vulnerability.
If possible, have a discussion with your ex about why the relationship is ending and how you would like to explain it for others. My first marriage ended for several reasons, but most of them were connected to money and my ex's lack of interest in finding or maintaining employment. For that reason, I generally told people that it did not work out for financial reasons.
"Don't you think it's time to admit I was right about your relationship?"
Your naysayers will come back to haunt you. Anyone who was jealous of your relationship or had a reason to doubt you might take this opportunity to come back and point out the fact that they were right.
If you're anything like me, this will only make you feel worse. I just told these people that I really needed support rather than 'I told you so,' and then proceeded to distance myself from these individuals. Coming out of a bad marriage, I didn't need more emotional turmoil and I'm glad I cleared those people out of my life.
"Is there anything I can do to help you?"
This is the best question to get when you're going through any sort of rough time, but it's still hard to know how to answer. Your answer will of course depend on your needs.
When I was going through a divorce, I really needed company. I just wanted to be around friends and move on with my life. When my friend Joann asked me this question, I told her I just wanted to spend some time with her. A few days later she was traveling through two states to visit me and I'll never forget this sincere act of friendship.
Some of the questions are tasteful - some are downright tacky. Many people also wonder about these things but don't ask. After I figured out what people wanted to know, I made sure my close friends and family knew the answers to these questions so they could diplomatically spread the information.
Overall, talking about a recent or impending divorce feels inevitably awkward, but being prepared with answers to common questions can certainly minimize the strangeness.
By, Crystal S. Kauffman, Contributing Writer
Many couples these days are choosing to write their own vows. They want to be creative and translate the language of their heart. Lately, the traditional vows have taken a backseat in the ceremonies. Most couples are putting their personal touch into their special day, which will be a cherished memory. These vows can be framed and hung up, with your wedding pictures. Before, you choose the right words to say, try to follow these tips.
Try to say exactly what is in your heart, instead of writing what comes to mind. Try brainstorming for ideas, if you are experiencing writers block. Try to be romantic and define what your promises will be, instead of trying to poetic. Once, you have decided what to say, you can write down your thoughts and feelings. Then, stop and read them out loud in front of a mirror, so you can see if they sound right. Next, you can rearrange the words or try to add rhyming words to it.
Before, you decide to use the vows that you have written, allow a friend to read over them. Sometimes, they can help you with their suggestions or they could describe the emotion with a better word. Always, be sure to proofread your final version, before saying them to your soon to be spouse. No one wants to be embarrassed on their own wedding day, in front of their family and friends. With the right inspiration, you can create vows that will melt your fiance's heart.
Try reading poetry written by others or just change a few words in the traditional vows, in order to get your creative juices going. There are endless possibilities that you can create, in order to tell your spouse exactly how you feel about the commitment you are making. The memories of these personal vows will be cherished forever, by your new spouse. Plus, it doesn't usually cost anything extra to write own vows and to recite them at your wedding.
by Lyn Lomasi; Co-owner of Brand Shamans & Write W.A.V.E. Media
How fast is too fast when it comes to the stages of a relationship and falling in love? Is there a specific amount of time people should be dating or in a friendship before moving further along? This is quite a common question. In my experience, the answer to it actually depends on each individual situation.
Time can tell you how much you get along with a person – or despise them (you know it’s true), depending on your circumstance. However, the length of time it takes to figure things out will be different for each couple. There really is no magic number.
I’ve seen couples seemingly only be together for a couple weeks get married and end up happily together for years and years with no issues. I’ve also seen couples who take the time to get to know each other end in misery through a painful divorce shortly after marriage. I’ve also seen the opposite for both.
The happiest couples I know do not think about their relationship in terms of dates and times that they reach each stage, but in terms of actual feelings. While moving things along at a pace that seems fast to some outside the relationship may seem like a bad idea to some, it can be a good thing for those in the relationship. The same can be said for waiting longer. Which one it is should only be determined by those in the relationship at hand.
Based on everything I’ve experienced and witnessed, the most important factor is that both people are comfortable with the way things are flowing. Neither person should feel overwhelmed, rushed, or held back. Both people should be content with the level at which the relationship is on at all times. They should think things through, discuss where they stand on important matters, and know and respect each other’s feelings and boundaries.
While there is no magic number at which you’ll find the perfect time for every relationship to advance, be sure that no matter how fast or slow your relationship moves, it is what both people want. Moving “too fast” isn’t always a bad thing. But it can be if it isn’t properly thought through as individuals, as well as by the couple as a team.
For some people, jumping right in will lead to good things and be the right decision. But if there is any hesitation at all, there is no harm in waiting.
*I originally published this elsewhere (no longer published there).
by Janet Walker, Contributing Writer
People all over the world have sexual fetishes and you may be a little surprised at just how many of them there are. Sexual fetishism is the phrase used to describe a body part, specific object or even a particular situation that causes a person to be sexual aroused that wouldn’t normally be considered sexual. For example, some people have a used panty fetish.
To some people, this may seem very odd but it’s a real sexual fetish just like any other. You don’t hear a lot about it because people are embarrassed to talk about it in fear of being criticize or worse.
What is a Used Panty Fetish? You may be asking yourself, what is a used panty fetish? It’s exactly what it sounds like. A person with this type of fetish becomes sexual excited when they see, handle or smell panties that someone else has worn previously. While this is not something that most people would talk about openly, it’s not considered a paraphilia desire. In other words, it’s not dangerous or a serious abnormal sexual desire.
In fact, it’s perfectly normal as long as it does not cause the person with the fetish or anyone else any type of distress or other problems. For example, stalking or forcing someone to participate in this type of fetish would be abnormal behavior but considering how popular this fetish really is, this kind of behavior is not necessary.
It’s More Popular than You Might Think If you think it would be difficult for someone to indulge in this type of fetish, you might be surprised to learn that there is actually an industry that caters to this particular fetish. It started in Japan where burusera shops were established. A burusera shop is a store created to sell school uniforms and gym suits from young girls, along with other items that include socks, swimsuits and undergarments.
The girls sold these items as a way to make money and when it first started, it was perfectly legal to sell them openly. However, in 2004, a law was passed that banned selling underwear belonging to girls under the age of 18, so these shops had to stop selling the undergarments and other personal items that belong to young girls.
However, that was not the end of the industry by any means. Thanks to the Internet, people can buy used panties online and have them shipped right to their doorstep. Many women willingly sell their used panties online because it is a thriving industry in which you can make good money. Since buying online is fast, easy and discreet, business is booming. If you’re interested in checking it out for yourself, click here to view and/or purchase used panties.
We live in a society that tends to frown upon anything that seems out of the ordinary and there are a lot of people that will make those with this type of sexual fetish feel ashamed of their desires, so they keep it a secret. People are different in every way including what they like and dislike sexual so fetishes are perfectly normal. However, being able to purchase these items discreetly has made it easier for people all over the world to indulge privately.
by Janet Walker, Contributing Writer
Not everyone can be a stripper as it is a difficult occupation and it can be hard to take off your clothes in front of strangers for money. Some people have moral issues with it and others feel that they may not be sexy enough to make any money. But everyone can be a stripper at home and can have fun while they are doing it. There’s nothing wrong with a little strip tease for a loved one who will appreciate it and love the fact that you tried. Below are some tips for pulling off the perfect strip tease for your hubby or lover that will knock their socks off!
Stick to Your Comfort Level Even if you are planning on doing a strip tease online to make money, you should only go as far as you are comfortable with. You can offer a strip tease in the comfort of your home which may take away the scariness of performing in front of “live” people. If you prefer, you can stick to simply dancing for your partner and they do make an appreciative audience. Even in this setting, it can be uncomfortable getting all the way naked in this type of setting. So, if it makes you feel better, only undress down to your sexy lingerie the first few times and then give your lover a surprise with a total nude show when they least expect it and when you feel comfortable enough.
Practice in Front of a Mirror One of the best ways to see how you look when you are dancing is to do your routine in front of a mirror first. This way you can improve upon your technique without making any mistakes in front of your “audience”. Get into your full costume, put on your makeup and let go to see what your body and face look like while you are dancing. Practice does make perfect as they say and it can be fun to just let loose on your own without worrying about what people will think. You may find that you’re a great dancer and that you have some awesome moves!
Go Shopping Who doesn’t love to go shopping? One of the best aspects of doing a strip tease is the awesome wardrobe that is worn during the dance. Don’t be afraid to go to an adult store that specializes in clothing for exotic dancers. If this is too far out of your comfort zone, go to a party store that sells costumes and pick up a few different fantasy style costumes that you can wear while you are doing your dance. A sexy nurse, hot maid or even a school girl outfit are all sure to please your spouse or lover in ways that you could never have imagined.
There is nothing wrong with stripping at home and you should always be comfortable and just have fun with it. You’ll find that the person you are stripping for will appreciate your efforts and you may just get a sexy dance back in return!
by Cecilia Brown, Contributing Writer
Fetishes go back to the beginning of time. Since people starting having sex, there has been a certain something that gets the libido going like nothing else. While some fetishes have come and gone with the times, some have stayed the same over the eons and they vary from person to person. So what are some of the fetishes that are ages old and what are some of the new fetishes that are currently in rage? The following shows how fetishes have changed and how they have stayed the same.
Old Fetishes That Stayed the Same There are many old fetishes that will probably never go away. Foot and panty fetishes are just two that have withstood the test of time. Of course women didn’t always wear the same style of panties that they wear now but as long as they’ve worn some type of undergarment men have lusted after them. Foot and other body part fetishes have stayed the same because some people just lover certain body parts. They strike a reaction in people that nothing else can compare with and make the person with the fetish feel more sexual. Another type of fetish that has withstood the test of time is cross dressing. Keep in mind that cross dressing does not necessarily make one a homosexual. Many people who partake in the behavior simply love the way they look when they’re dressed as the opposite sex.
New and Unusual Fetishes With the emergence of the internet many new fetishes have made an emergence. Some people have a fetish for internet porn. It’s not the same if they have to watch it on their television; they want to have the experience with the computer. They may also chat while they are watching porn or do other activities but this must take place online. You can even buy used panties online if you’re into that sort of thing, too. It’s easy and discreet.
Another form of fetish that is new is sexting. Some people get off more on sexual texts than they would if they had a real life person in their bed. They have friends and strangers write texts that talk about what they would do to each other and they also send photos of their private parts to each other to enhance the encounter. Cyber sex is a similar form of sexting but this takes place on the computer rather than on a cell phone.
There are only a few common new and old fetishes featured here but there are so many more that it would take days to get to them all. There is leather, bondage, light S&M, heavy S&M, dominance, and - lace just to name a few more. Suffice it to say that there will always be some form of fetish as long as sex is in our lives. Objects and certain body parts will always create a sensual feeling in a person for whatever reason. Maybe one day in the near future the next fetish will be something different but believe that they will still be around. Unless of course we procreate through scientific means and become more like robots that humans with a sex drive!
Cecelia Brown has a fascination with all things love and sex, including fetishes. She often writes about the things everyone experiences but most are afraid to talk about.
by Lisa Mason, Contributing Writer
So, you just told your mother that you are getting married and she made a mad dash to go dig out her wedding dress. While it was quite lovely on your mother over 20 years ago, it is far from what you had in mind, so what do you do so that your mother is not crushed?
Is Mom opposed to altering the dress? If she agrees, perhaps you can ask a bridal shop to update or modernize the dress? If that’s not available to you, find a seamstress that can possibly do it for you. Perhaps take parts of the dress, like lace or fancy pearl buttons and have them sewn into a new dress that is part old and part new.
If you are seriously opposed to this idea (and Mom can’t stand the thought of her dress being cut into) there are other ways to make both of you happy. Brides often change from the gown they wear during the ceremony, to an entirely different dress for the reception.
Perhaps you can have the dress you really want for the wedding and then change into your mother’s dress for the reception. Your new married life will be about compromise, so why not start it off by compromising to make your mother happy? You could even slip into her dress as a surprise for her.
Still a no? If Mother does not mind the dress being altered, offer to have it altered into a style that will work for a mother-of -the -bride dress. If you don’t like the idea of you and Mom both being in white, see if it is possible to dye or tint the dress or add some wedding colors to it.
Another, “think outside the box” idea is to have your mother wear the dress just as it is and have your father escort the both of you down the aisle as two generations of “his” brides. You might even get dad to dig up the suit he wore at their wedding. It would be a great way to honor the parents that are giving you away, to start your new life.
Remember that your mother has probably been dreaming of her little girl one day wearing her wedding dress for many years. Think too, that you may have a daughter someday and want the same thing, even though you don’t think so right now. So even if you are opposed to wearing her dress, take her feelings into consideration.
If none of these ideas appeal to you, then it is time to be honest with your mother, but do it gently. Explain to her that while you think her dress is gorgeous, you have your own style and vision in mind. Allow her to be involved in the shopping trips to look at wedding dresses. Make it a fun, mother and daughter time. Once she sees you modeling dress after dress, and how much fun the two of you are having, she will understand.
Remember that today it’s much more acceptable to do unusual ideas for weddings. For example, I knew a lady once who got married with her dog in a matching dog wedding dress. We also hear about people having non-traditional weddings, staycation honeymoons and more. The times are changing and there are many creative ways to work in the traditional with the new so if you’re really opposed wearing your mom’s wedding dress, sit down and be honest, and discuss some alternatives.
Lisa Mason is a freelance writer who often writes about family, dating, relationships and pets.
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