Life... Successfully
  • Life Successfully
  • Intent-sive Nature
    • Gift Cards
    • Expert Publicity, Content, & Consultation >
      • Intent to Read Publishing
    • Jewelry
    • Healing Jewelry & Talismans >
      • What is the Meaning Behind Intent-sive Nature Healing Jewelry?
    • Healing Readings
    • Yoga & Meditation
    • Incense & Burners
    • Candles & Accessories
    • Crystals & Gemstones
    • Herbs
    • Essential Oils & Oils For Anointing, Magical Use, And Aromatherapy
    • Dream Catchers
    • Spells & Altar Supplies
    • Rune Sets & Accessories
    • Tarot & Oracle Decks, Books, & Accessories
    • Wands
    • Bath, Beauty, & Self-Care
    • Holiday
    • Books & Media
    • Music
    • Education & Homeschool Resources
    • Clothing
    • Baby Gear, Travel, Outdoors, & More
    • Baby Safety
    • Baby & Toddler Feeding
    • Toys
    • Decor & Home Accents
    • Wind Chimes
  • Writing, Web, Business, & Tech
    • Brand Shamans Brand Healing Journal
    • Write W.A.V.E. Media Thought Leadership & Tech Journal
    • Writing Tips Journal
    • The One-and-Only Internet Money Making Guide!
    • Writer's Resumes >
      • Lyn Lomasi >
        • Ask Lyn
      • Get Your FREE Writer's Profile & Online Resume
    • Be a Writer!
    • FREE Guest Post Submission >
      • Submission Guidelines
  • News
    • News Articles
    • Science and Nature Articles
    • Sports Break Journal >
      • NFL 2019 Squares
  • About Us & Contact
    • Become an Affiliate!
    • Promotional Banners
    • Disclosure, TOU, Dislaimer, & Privacy
  • Domains For Sale
  • Hire Us!
  • Family & Home
    • Mekai's Branches ~ Family Adventure Journal
    • Kymani's Travels ~ Family Travel Journal
    • The Nova Skye Story ~ Family Journal
    • Upstream Parenting Journal >
      • Upstream Parenting Book
      • The Pregnancy & Baby Care Guide EVERY Parent Needs!
      • The ONLY Potty Training Guide You'll Ever Need
      • Elementary Learning Supplies...
      • 10 Safe Toys
      • Soothe Crying Baby
      • Playing Cards With Kids
    • Life & Home Journal
    • Momtrepreneur Moments ~ A Business Mom's Journal
    • Successful Relationships; A Heart-Focused Journal
    • Better Plumbing Blog >
      • Hire Better Plumbing - Your Denver Plumber
  • Education & Literature
    • Heart 'N Mind Homeschool Journal
    • Free Learning Education Journal >
      • Two Affordable And Fun Toys For Teaching Kids To Read
      • Elementary Learning Supplies You Can Find At The Dollar Store
      • Free Counting Fun For Toddlers And Preschoolers
      • Why School Choice is Important in High School
      • Choosing Childen's Books That Create Smart Readers
    • Free Homeschool Worksheets
    • The Bibliophile's Library Journal - Book News, Reviews, & Info
    • Penning Your World ~ A Creative Writing Journal
    • Monsters Within Us ~ An Otherworldly Journal of Monstrous Incantations >
      • A Lighter Shade of Green
  • Health & Beauty
    • Whole Body Health, Healing, & Medicine Journal
    • Good Eats For The Soul ~ Vegan Diet, Recipes, & Food Journal >
      • Recipe Books By Lyn Lomasi
    • Fash Diva ~ A Clothing, Shoes, & Fashion Journal
    • Naturally Simple ~ A Self-Care & Beauty Journal
    • Senior Living
    • Disabilities Articles
    • Green Living Articles
  • Society & Causes
    • Causes We Support
    • Speak Up!; A Homelessness & Social Justice Journal
    • Animal Advocacy >
      • Pet Resources >
        • Heart 'N Mind Paw Rescue >
          • Pawsitive Parenting Pet Rescue Journal
        • Sounds of Nature
      • Animal Advocacy & Healthy Pet Parenting Journal
      • Positive Pet Parenting Journal
      • Raising Pet Positive Kids
      • Supermom ...Kind Of
      • Pawsitively Adventurous Pets
      • Purrely Pawsitive And Barkably Amazing Pet Training Tips
      • Dog Praising
      • Spirit of the Wild Lands and Animals
    • Motivational Friends Inspirational Journal
    • Straight Up LGBTQ Blog
    • Colorful Expressions
    • Inner Healing & Spirituality Journal
    • Naturally Connected Journey - Views On Life, Passions, & Interests
  • Travel
    • RV'ing Successfully ~ A Family Roadschooling & Travel Journal
    • Hometown Love ~ A Local Journal
  • Fun & Games
    • Gaming Successfully
    • Luna Starlight Comics
    • Crafting Successfully Arts & Crafts Journal
    • Culture Carnival; A Festival, Tradition, & Holiday Journal
    • Mouthy Momtrepreneur Journal
    • Clowning Around
    • Music Articles Journal
    • Entertainment Articles Journal
    • Humor Treasure Trove; A Funny Comedy Journal

Positive Parenting Tips: When Time-Out Won't Cut It and Spanking Isn't an Option

4/5/2016

0 Comments

 
by Lyn Lomasi, Write W.A.V.E. Media Staff
Child with fun attitude
Kids need to learn there are consequences for every action. But what if time-outs just aren't cutting it? Do you revert to spanking? If your opinion on that method is like mine, then spanking is not an option. For some it might be. But I personally believe it isn't necessary. So what do you do when you feel this way? As an experienced mom, I can tell you there are many alternatives appropriate for each unique situation.

My kid is not phased by time-outs. Some kids just won't sit still in time out, especially smaller kids who are full of energy. Yet others don't seem to really care one way or the other and may go back to the behavior that them into it in the first place. If time-outs won't cut it for your kid, you do have other options. Time-out can be a good aid when it comes to disciplining kids. But it certainly is not the be all and end all and spanking is not the only alternative.

Spanking? No way! Each person has their own method and some, like me, are not fond of spanking. If you don't want to use this method and time-outs are not working, don't worry. There are plenty other methods to use. While it sometimes seems so, spanking and time-outs are far from the only options when it comes to discipline. I prefer to use positive discipline with my kids, which basically refers to any method that teaches the lesson in a positive way.

Think about the offense. When you want to teach your child a lesson, think about what was done first. The punishment should fit the crime. Don't be too harsh for a mild offense. This could actually cause resentment instead of teaching your child a lesson. At the same time, don't take serious offenses too lightly. The point is to teach kids there are consequences and also to teach them how to learn from their mistakes. If you want to follow positive parenting methods, whatever method you choose should involve something that will do both in a positive way.

Why did your child misbehave? Before you can come up with a plan that will teach your child a lesson, you first need to know the reason for the ill behavior. Was your child simply confused at the correct behavior? Did the child not realize the action was wrong? Did the child feel bullied or pressured? Was the child purposefully acting out or being mean? Think about what led to the misbehavior and develop your action plan from there.

What lesson are you trying to teach? Are you trying to teach your child to think about a better response next time? Are you trying to teach your child what's right and what isn't? Is your child hitting and you want to instill why that isn't a good thing to do? Do you want your child to know that walls are not for coloring, but coloring books are perfect for it? Think about the exact lesson you want your child to gain and go from there.

Put it all together. I find that when I consider the offense, the reason behind it, and what lesson I need my kids to learn, I come up with the best course of action. Sometimes, when in the heat of the moment and trying to think quick, parents can make the wrong discipline choices. We've all been there. Parenting is always a work-in-progress and we live and learn. Each family will have a different course of action that works for them in each situation. The important thing is that your motive always remains to do what's in the best interest of your child.

More from Lyn:
Positive Parenting Does Not Mean Zero Discipline
Easy Discipline Tricks for Babies
Guide to Positive Discipline for Children


*Note: The author's positive parenting method has evolved into what she calls Upstream Parenting.

*I originally published a version of this via Yahoo Contributor Network
0 Comments

Positive Parenting Does Not Mean Zero Discipline

12/2/2014

1 Comment

 
by Lyn Lomasi, Write W.A.V.E. Media Staff
helped
With the news of Amy Chua's Tiger Mother parenting spreading like wildfire, people are starting to look at the extremes of parenting from all sides. Because I subscribe to my own self-created positive parenting methods, I have been questioned by readers about discipline. Many have made assumptions that positive parenting methods do not offer discipline and that children are being catered to. I cannot speak for all parents. However, my positive parenting methods definitely involve discipline.

What is positive parenting? Positive parenting is a method in which guardians choose to guide children without force. It is about looking for ways to teach and parent children that stimulate positive reactions, behaviors, and lessons. In positive parenting, the goal is to teach children how to resolve issues, control emotions and behaviors, and relate to others in a way that brings about a positive result.

What is discipline? Discipline is the act of teaching the consequences of actions. Discipline is necessary in showing children what happens when they do or don't do certain things throughout life. Children who receive zero discipline may fail to fully understand why certain behaviors and actions are inappropriate.

Some misconceptions about positive parenting and discipline:


  • Positive parenting allows children to misbehave.
  • Parents who use positive methods let their children get away with too much.
  • Positive parenting is about giving kids what they want, rather than what's best for them.
  • Positive parenting means children are not disciplined for their actions.

What is positive discipline? In positive parenting, the goal is not to avoid discipline, but to use it in a way that is productive in a good way. There is not one positive method that will work in every situation. In fact, for discipline to trigger a positive and productive response from children, it should be geared toward each unique situation. Also, remember that that each child has unique needs, depending on age, abilities, mental and social state, and more. You know your child best. When choosing discipline methods that will teach the lesson, as well as create a positive result, think of the situation itself, as well as what is most likely to work for your child. For instance, a timeout might work work well for one two year old. But drawing an apology picture or getting a privilege or toy taken away may work for another.

Is there a such thing as negative discipline? Of course. Negative discipline is that which either harms the child or does not effectively teach the lesson. It can also be both. Some parents may find that spanking their children only makes them fearful in their presence and also teaches their children to hit others in order to solve a problem. If this is the case in your home, you have found a negative discipline method. Any method that causes another harm or creates more issues than it solves is a negative form of discipline.

How can my family start using positive discipline? One of the easiest ways I have recommended to those new to positive parenting is to start a Parenting Mistake Journal. Take down all the issues in your home each day and what you did to solve the issues. Look over the issues and observe the kids to see whether your discipline techniques had a positive or negative impact. If the results from your actions turn out negative or the problem was not really resolved, try to think of a more positive way to turn things around. Do this daily until you get to a point where you no longer need a journal to figure things out.

Note: The author's positive parenting method has evolved into what she calls Upstream Parenting.

*I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network

1 Comment

Spanking Does More Harm Than Good; 5  Shocking Truths

2/1/2014

2 Comments

 
by Lyn Lomasi, Write W.A.V.E. Media Staff
Picture
Image © Lyn Lomasi; All Rights Reserved
Spanking does more harm than good. I know that I will upset some people with that statement. But due to my long-term experience with kids, there's no way I can come to any other conclusion. Not only am I parent to many, but I also have nannied and babysat many children.

We all want our kids to be respectful, upstanding citizens. But is spanking really the best way to do that?

While kids may listen to an order after being spanked, that doesn't mean this is the best method of discipline. Short-term effectiveness means nothing, as far as long-term lessons and damage. There are several reasons I've come to the same conclusions time and again. In fact, in all of my years of being around children, in every single case where spanking is used as a form of discipline, every one of the following reasons I won't spank comes into play.

Spanking can cause a dangerous fear.

In my observance of those who have been spanked, they listen only because they are afraid -- and only when they know someone is around that will deliver that form of punishment. The behavior is often repeated when the child no longer has a fear of receiving that punishment. This can cause the child to misbehave for others.

These children often fear not only the punishment, but the deliverer of said punishment.  In many of these instances, if a child needs to confide in someone (even about dangerous issues like bullying), they often will not do so out of fear. This is very dangerous territory for a parent. A child cannot fear the person they should be able to come to for help and advice.

Spanking can cause misconceptions regarding hitting.

Another issue that is very common among spanked children is the resolution of problems through violence. Time and time again, I see children who are spanked hitting friends, siblings, and sometimes authority figures when things don't go the way they'd like.

By hitting a child as a means of solving a problem, you are teaching that child to hit other people if they don't do what they want them to. That is not the way to lead a productive citizenship among society. Imagine if your boss at work slapped you every time he/she wasn't happy with the way you handled something. Spanking your child is exactly the same thing.

Spanking can lead to bullying.

An extensive study found that kids who were spanked were twice as likely to participate in aggressive behaviors, such as bullying, fighting, and otherwise being mean to other kids. Children who were spanked by the age of three were highly likely to bully by the age of five.

This goes back to the previous point that when you teach a child they will be hit when they don't do what they are told, they learn that this is the way to treat others as well. You can't go around hitting everyone that doesn't do what you tell them.

Children are not robots.

Why do some parents feel that children are supposed to do each and every thing we order them to do?
Some things make sense, especially when you are teaching safety and responsibility. However, as parents, we should be raising our children to think for themselves so that they know how when they go out on their own in the world.

They can't go out into the streets and just say yes to everything other people tell them. Also, everything will not be handled by others. They need to know how to do things for themselves and figure out how to make it.

Zero Spanking Does Not Mean Zero Discipline.

I wish I had a dollar for every time someone made statements implying that just because I don't spank my children, they wouldn't learn a lesson or be well-behaved. Many of these same people are dealing with kids who have been in trouble for fighting,
bearing weapons, and other violent or destructive behavior.

Positive Parenting Does Not Mean Zero Discipline.  Discipline should not be done to prove a point or come out of frustration. Appropriate disciplinary techniques should be unique to the specific situation and produce a positive and productive result.

Just because someone does not spank does not mean their children don't have consequences. In fact, children who aren't spanked but are given alternative consequences have always learned the lesson faster, in my experience. This is because when you give a child a consequence that is related to the situation, it causes them to actually think of the situation itself, rather than the punishment.

The above said, I am a firm believer that there is more than one way to parent a child and I don't look down on those who choose to use methods other than those I use with my own children.

2 Comments

    RSS Feed

    Picture

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    Upstream Parenting Book (Paperback) by Lyn Lomasi

    $19.98
    Buy Now

    On Sale

    On Sale

    Upstream Parenting Book by Lyn Lomasi

    $3.48 $1.98
    Buy Now
    Instant Download On Order
    About the Book:
    The Upstream Parenting method will help you learn how to connect with your children, raise them to be independent thinkers, and how to gently guide them to succeed on their self-chosen path. Upstream Parenting is a proven child and growth-focused method that has been put to use with all six of my children, as well as with countless kids I've nannied over the years.

    What is Upstream Parenting?

    The Upstream Parenting journal contains articles full of tips based on the parenting method invented and made popular
    by Lyn Lomasi.
    You may know of her original method, first coined "Positive Parenting". It has since followed the tides of life into its new moniker of  Upstream Parenting.

    FEATURED CONTRIBUTORS

    Laurie Childree
    Stephanie Laursen-Nolan

    Crystal S. Kauffman
    Jeanne Frost

    OWNER

    Lyn Lomasi
    Picture
    Lyn Lomasi is founder and owner of the Brand Shamans network. She is your brand healing, soul healing, marketing & content superhero to the rescue! Running a network of websites, tackling deadlines single-handedly, and coaching fellow writers, brands, & entrepreneurs to be thought leaders is her top priority.

    While rescuing civilians from boring content and brands, this awesomely crazy family conquers the world, managing Intent-sive Nature while going on Upstream Parenting adventures & lessons, sometimes in an RV. They strive to cuddle with lions and giraffes. Until then, they settle for rescue dogs and cats.

    By supporting us, you support a single parent, healer,  and minority small business that donates to and/or stands for several causes, including homeless pets, homeless people, trans youth, equality, helping starving artists, and more! A portion of all proceeds from our all-inclusive store, Intent-sive Nature goes toward worthy causes.

    For guidance in the world of freelance writing or for advice on her specialty topics, Ask Lyn.

    Parental Peeps
    We Love

    Unfiltered Perspectives
    Popcorn & Pigtails
    .

    Categories

    All
    Activities
    Altternative Medicine
    Amy Chua
    April Paul
    Attention
    Aversions
    Babies
    Baby
    Babysitting
    Behavior
    Beliefs
    Birthdays
    Bonding
    Book
    Books
    Budgeting
    Cards
    Carrying
    Charts
    Child
    Childcare
    Child Care
    Childhood
    Children
    Choices
    Chores
    Cleaning
    Clothing
    Colic
    Cravings
    Creativity
    Crying
    Dark
    Depression
    Diapers
    Diet
    Discipline
    Ebook
    Eczema
    Education
    Emotion
    Exercise
    Facebook
    Family
    Fears
    Finances
    Food
    Free
    Fun
    Games
    Gifts
    Giving Orders
    Goals
    Health
    HG
    Holidays
    Humor
    Hyperemesis Gravidarum
    Independence
    Injuries
    Interests
    Internet
    Jennie Wren
    Journal
    Karaoke
    Kel McCollum
    Kids
    Laundry
    Learning
    Lyn Lomasi
    Memories
    Messes
    Misbehavior
    Mistake Journal
    Morning Sickness
    Motivation
    Moving
    Nannies
    Newborn
    Objectification
    Objectify
    Older Kids
    Order
    Parenting
    Parenting Journal
    Parenting Methods
    Parenting Mistakes
    Parenting Tips
    Pica
    Play
    Positive Parenting
    Pout
    Praise
    Pregnancy
    Pre-order
    Property
    Punishments
    Quotes
    Raising Kids
    Reading
    Redirection
    Relate
    Religion
    Responsibility
    Safety
    Sale
    Sandra Lynn Robinov
    School
    Self Confidence
    Self-Confidence
    Self Esteem
    Self-esteem
    Sharing
    Skin
    Sleep
    Sneaking Food
    Social Issues
    Social Media
    Soothe
    Soothing
    Spanking
    Stress
    Summer Banks
    Tantrums
    Team
    Teens
    Tiger Mother
    Tiger Mothering
    Tiger Parenting
    Time-out
    Toddlers
    Toys
    Transitions
    Trauma
    Trust
    Tweens
    Upstream Parenting
    Weight Gain
    Weight Loss
    Welcome
    Yelling

    Archives

    October 2019
    February 2019
    July 2018
    May 2018
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    November 2016
    June 2016
    April 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    August 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    July 2014
    February 2014
    June 2013
    May 2013
    September 2011
    August 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    November 2010
    November 2009





COMPANY & SUPPORT

About Us & Contact
Brand Healing Journal
Become an Affiliate!
Disclosure, TOU, Disclaimer, & Privacy Policy
Write For Our Sites!

ALL SITES

Brand Shamans
Life Successfully
Intent-sive Nature
Write W.A.V.E. Media
Pawsitive Parenting

Guest Post Writers

Daily Cashouts
GoSteady.me
Poverty And Homelessness
Article Writer For Hire
Lyn Lomasi
Heart 'N Mind Homeschool    
Pre-K Yoga
Kids Chakra

Legit Cash Now
Souls Within
Better Plumbing (Partner Site)
Heart 'N Mind Paw Rescue
© 2005-2020 Life... Successfully by  Brand Shamans
Photos used under Creative Commons from Marcelo Campi, MarkDoliner, beccafawley